Toddler Sleep Issues Cont....

Hello parents and readers,

This post is dedicated to one of my readers who is struggling with her twin toddlers and their sleeping habits. I hope this information is helpful.

"Dear Michelle, I am having issues with one of my 2.5 year old toddlers and her sleeping in her own bed.
Part of the problem, and the reason I have given into her in the past, is that she shares a room with her twin sister and there really is no other option (as in no space for her to have her own room).
She aggravates her sister with her hysterics. I have used your method and it definitely works but I know she's not getting quality sleep and I certainly don't want my other daughter to loose out on quality sleep either.
When I get her in the morning she's on the floor. And at daycare they say she is always the last to wake up and doesn't want to get up and is very crabby in the afternoons.
At home I literally can't get them to nap if they are together which results in me putting one in their bed and the other on the couch with me then transferring her to the bed and I'm sure that can't be helping with me sleep training her at night.
Sorry this is so long but here's the other issue. My husband and I aren't separated but live miles apart right now. He works where we live and I work 3 hours away. So during the week I stay with family where I work and the girls are with me then we go home on the weekends. I feel like a lot of this has to be separation anxiety issues. She is such a mommy's girl and is so clingy to me in every situation.
If you can offer me any advice at all it would be so greatly appreciated!"

Response...

Hello Angela,
I hear your concerns about your daughter's sleep habits. It sounds like you are primarly concerned with the lack of sleep she has been getting. Here are some of my suggestion related to your concerns.

1. Having two homes... It sounds like your unique family situation keeps your family moving back and forth between two different homes. This can dramatically effect a toddlers sleep pattern due to a lack of consistent routine. My suggestion is to tighten up your bedtime routine, which will include consistency during the nights you stay at your family members home.
For example...
Bedtime routine starts 6:30 pm
Bath time and brush teeth 6:30-7:oopm
Story time 2 books 7:00pm
Prayer and kisses 7:15pm
Lights out by 7:30pm
The more consistent the better. This will help your little ones calm down because routine is known to bring comfort to children especially an anxious child.

2. Being a Twin... I can understand your concerns about disrupting your other daughter's sleep habits. I have worked specifically with twins for the last 5 years and my advice is to keep to your guns about having them in the same room with the same bedtime routine. If you are consistent the girls will have to find a way to live together:) They will work it out. Your daughter will get more used to it and will eventually be less disruptive. If she seems to be doing it on purpose you can use either a form of encouragement with a "sticker chart" or use a consequence such as "taking away her favorite toy" if she keeps her sister up all night. They have a long life together and it is best if they get used to sharing a room now.

3. Separation anxiety... If your daughter is very attached to you and would like to be with you at all times, then you will need to be very consistent in your routine so she knows what is coming next. It is time for her to know she is safe sleeping in her own room. A good way to help with separation anxiety is to provide a consistent routine and involve a special "lovey". A "lovey" can be a favorite animal or blanket that she already has or you can purchase something new and call it her "big girl lovey" to show her you are proud of her for sleeping in her big girl room with her sister.

Try these three tips and give the routine a chance to work by being consistent for at least 2 weeks. Good luck with those two little girls and let us know how things work out.

Sincerely,

Michelle

Michelle Chrastil, MA NCC
Honest Family Services, LLC.
http://www.honestfamilyservices.com/

A Post for Dads

Dear Parents and Readers,

There is currently a movement going on with the new generation of fathers. Dad's are tired of being on the back burner of parenting and are starting to make time with their children as important as their careers. It is about time that dads now have the opportunity to to both, family and career. Because I am not a father I think it is important for me to team up with a company that specilizes in understanding issues related to fatherhood. Daddy Doula is a company focused on meeting the needs of the modern father. Daddy Doula offers classes designed specifically for men, created by men.

Learn more about finding support for new dads and tap into a network of fathers who are dedicated to playing an active role in their children's lives. Learn more by visiting Daddy Doula's blog or their website at http://www.wherefathersgrow.com/.


Thanks Daddy Doula for finally providing a company dedicated to meeting the needs of new fathers.

Sincerely,

Michelle

Michelle Chrastil, MA NCC CPD
Honest Family Services
www.honestfamilyservices.com

Help! My toddler won't sleep in his own bed.

Dear parents and readers,

This post addresses ways to improve your toddlers sleep habits and provides guidelines on how to create a new routine that works for your entire family.

In working with toddler's sleep habits, most parents are struggling with the sleeping habits that were formed during infancy. Parents have many choices during the infancy stage related to creating sleep habits that follow children into toddler hood. My best words of advice for new parents is to make parenting choices wisely. Every habit you create, you will eventually need to break. A few examples of habits in which I am referring to could include; rocking or bouncing your child to sleep every night, co-sleeping, irregular nap schedules, lack of bedtime routine, or allowing your child into mom or dads bed in the middle of the night.

These "habits" could be working for mom and dad during the first few months or even the first few years, however most parents get to a point where they want to break these habit in order to teach their child a more developmentally appropriate sleeping routine. For example, most parents who love to co-sleep with their infant may not feel as comfortable with their 4 year old in bed with them every night.

If you are a parent and you are finding yourself in one of these situations, take a deep breath because I guarantee that if you follow these 3 easy steps over the next few weeks you will be able to teach your child a new, healthy, age appropriate routine so everyone gets a good night sleep.

Step #1 Create a bedtime routine.

Setting a routine is the most important phase. Children love routine because it helps them to transition and know what is coming next. It gives children a sense of security in a world that they may not have very much power or control over things.

• A toddlers routine should include a set bedtime when the routine begins. Typically between 6:30-8:30 depending on family's schedule.
• Create an order of events as cues for your child. Such as first take bath, then brush teeth, then read 2 stories in bed.
• Say "We love you. Goodnight" and turn out the lights with a friendly night light in place.

Once you and your partner have decided on an ideal bedtime, both of you must commit to making the new routine work.

Step #2 Introduce New "Big Boy" routine to your toddler. Be Consistent!

When introducing the new "Big Boy" routine tell your child that you are so proud of them for being a big boy and it is now time for the "Big Boy" routine. Things that help are getting a "Big Boy" night light or possibly a "Big Boy" bed. Anything that helps them feel proud of the transition.

Explain your expectations to your toddler. " You are a big boy now and this is how we do bedtime routine. Bath then brush our teeth and then 2 books in bed. You will stay in your bed until the sun comes out and then we will start another day.

First Night: Get him excited about new routine. Walk him through the motions. Say goodnight and walk out the room. This will be the hard part but it typically will only last a few nights. Don't give in or it will be harder next time you try!

• 1st time: walk out of room and say "goodnight darling"
• 2nd time: When he comes out of the room, walk him back to the room "calmly" and say "it is bedtime darling".
• 3rd time: Say nothing. Remain Calm. Walk him back to his bed. Leave the room with saying nothing.
• 4th time: Say nothing. Remain Calm. Walk him back to bed. Leave the room with saying nothing.
• 5th time...and so on: Continue with staying calm and walking him back to bed with saying nothing. He will eventually fall asleep. If he wakes up in the middle of the night. Continue with saying nothing.

This process may take up to two hours the FIRST night. Stay consistent. Do not become angry or it will add fuel to the fire. Stay calm. This models to him that you are serious and he will not be getting away with his previous behaviors.

If you need extra support, go to http://www.supernannies.com/ and watch any one of her videos with parents modeling this strategy. Be prepared to feel tired that first night but satisfied.

Step #3 Stay calm and leave your anger at the door.

Staying calm is very important in teaching this new routine to your child. Do not engage with them beyond the first offence of getting out of bed. Your child knows how to push your buttons and how to get what they want.

You can do this! This is in the best interest of your family. You are the parent and You are in control.

Again, by following these three easy steps you can transition your child into a new routine for the whole family to be proud of.

Step #1 Create bedtime routine.

Step #2 Introduce routine. Be consistent.

Step #3 Stay calm. Leave your anger at the door.

Remember, being consistent is the most important thing when setting a new expectation for your child. Remaining calm will keep you as the parent in control. If you cannot remain calm it will only escalate into a battle between you and your child. Model for your child that you are in control, you are consistent, you are calm and there is no way they will win this battle. Be Consistent! Hang in there. Allow about 2 hours for the first night of changing the bedtime routine. The second night should take about half the time and the third night even less. Stick with the routine for at least 2 weeks and I guarantee you will be happy with the results if you stick to your plan.

Good luck. Remember you are teaching your child very important skills and it is up to you to trust your parenting abilities and make the changes that are in the best interest of your child.

Sincerely,

Michelle


Michelle Chrastil, MA NCC CPD

Honest Family Services, LLC.

http://www.honestfamilyservices.com/

Help! Does my child need therapy?

Dear parents and readers,

As a certified child and family therapist, I often get questions from parents about play therapy. Parents are wondering about how play therapy can help children and what types of issues therapy can address. In this article I will talk about play therapy and how it can be helpful in different situations.

Most parents spend a lot of time watching their children to make sure that they are where they need to be in terms of social and emotional development when compared to their peers. Sometimes a parent may start to notice a behavioral change in their child that becomes concerning. Our children's behaviors tell us a lot about what is going on for them. For example, a child may be doing great at home or school until a traumatic event such as a death in the family or a parent separation occurs. This child may begin to show signs of distress to their parents through their behavior. Children who experience stress can show signs of physiological discomfort such as headaches or stomach aches or can change behaviorally. An example of a behavioral change would be that your child starts to have difficulty with expressing emotions which can cause aggressive outbursts of anger or your child becomes emotional and has difficulty calming themselves down once upset. Play therapy is used to treat children's' emotional and behavioral issues.

Why Play Therapy?

Play therapy is a structured, theoretically based approach to therapy. It is used to help children express what is troubling them through play when they do not have the communication skills to express their thoughts and emotions verbally. In play therapy, toys are the child words and play is the child's language. The positive relationship that develops between the therapist and the child during play therapy sessions provides a corrective emotional experience necessary for healing (Play Therapy Institute). Through play therapy, children learn techniques to help them communicate with others, express feelings, modify behaviors, and develop problem solving skills. Play therapy can help your child if they are having difficulty adjusting to a loss, divorce, traumatic event, or changes within the family. Play therapy can also address social or behavioral difficulties at home or school. Play provides a safe place for children to express thoughts and feelings appropriate to their development.

Now that you know what Play Therapy is, let me answer a few questions about the process of starting therapy for your child.

Question: How do I find a child therapist?

Answer: Choosing a therapist that is right for your family is very important. Make sure you look at a therapist credentials to make sure they have at least a Masters degree in counseling. Choose a therapist that has training or experience in play therapy or focuses on children in their practice.

Here are a few suggestions of places to look for a child therapist in your area.

1. Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/

2. People House http://www.peoplehouse.org/

3. National Institute for Play Therapy http://www.a4pt.org/

4. General Google Search "child therapist denver"


Question: How much does a play therapy session cost?

Answer: Each therapist has their own rate but it ranges from $50-$120 per hour.
Most therapists offer 50 minute sessions. Most parents commit to at least 2 months of weekly sessions. Some clients continue to work with their therapist for more than a year.


Question: Does insurance pay for the sessions?

Answer: Some therapists accept insurance. Most therapists will provide a receipt at the end of the month to turn into your insurance company. This is an important question to ask when choosing the right therapist for your family.


Question: How do I set up a session with you to begin counseling for my child?

Answer: I currently see clients at my office location in Denver Colorado. You can set up an appointment through my website, http://www.honestfamilyservices.com/.
I offer a complimentary 30 minute phone consultation to answer any questions.

Remember, play therapy is designed to help children by meeting them where they are at developmentally and provides insight to parents on their child's behaviors and ways to make changes.

If you are a parent and have more specific questions related to whether or not your child would benefit from play therapy, please email me your questions and send them to michelle@honestfamilyservices.com.


Sincerely,

Michelle


Michelle Chrastil, MA CPD NCC
Honest Family Services, LLC.
http://www.honestfamilyservices.com/

The Discipline Approach I Love

Hello parents and readers,

In today's post, I am addressing my preferred method of discipline which I use in my counseling practice and with my own child. I will provide a step by step guide on how to introduce this technique and use it within your family.

There comes a point where every new parent needs to decide how they are going to guide their child through difficulties. Some parents may not feel comfortable with the term "discipline" and interpret it as harsh. The discipline I am referring to is simply a consistent system that teaches children boundaries through expectations, consequences, and praise. Every child needs guidance. They need to be taught the rules and consequences of their choices. They also need to be praised when they behave well. In my experience, this method of discipline is the most age appropriate and clear way to guide your children.

Expectations, Consequences, and Praise (ECP) method of Discipline
1. Set Expectations
2. Have Consequences
3. Praise good behaviors

This method of discipline matches with what children need developmentally. Children need to have their expectations known to them, consistent consequences, and lots of praise for good behavior. As you can see this method of discipline does not use any physical forms of punishment. For more information on spanking, please see the end of this post.

Introduction to ECP Discipline

Step #1: Expectations
Begin with setting appropriate Household Rules

Setting rules for your children is important. It is important for us as parents to be clear on what we expect from our children and it is helpful for children to have clear expectations regarding behavior. When making the rules have them fit with your parenting expectations and your child's behavioral challenges. Once you have chosen rules, make them known by making a rule board chart to hang on a wall or the refrigerator. Introduce the rules to your child through disscussion.

Example for 24 month old girl...
1. No Hitting

2. No Biting

3. No Screaming when mom or dad tells you “no”.

Step #2: Consequences
How to enforce consequences...

1. Pick Location
Pick safe space and label it. This place can be a designated chair, pillow on the floor, a room, a stair, or a spot of the floor that is marked. It can be anything that fits with your parenting beliefs…. “Time out”, “Naughty Spot”, “Reflection Room”, “Down Time”, “Chill out Chair”, or anything else that works for you. When I started with my daughter at 19 months it was a “naughty pillow” on the floor and it evolved to the first stair as she got older.

2. Set Timer

To begin, “Naughty spot” is used when your child breaks a rule. The way you use this technique is you match the time each child spends on the spot with their age. For example, lets say your daughter is one year old so she will serve 1 minute when she breaks a rule.

3. Follow Up
After your child has served their time, walk over to them and get on eye level. Say, “Mommy put you on the Naughty spot because you were screaming. That is not ok. We don’t scream when I say no. I would like an apology".

4. Child Apology
You may need to remind them why they are in time out but then they should apologize.

5. Give Love
After timeout it is okay to remind their children that you love them. Give a hug or kiss.

Step #3 Praise Good Behaviors
Children also need positive praise to reinforce their good behavior. So often we give more attention to our children's negative behaviors and then they learn that bad behavior is the way to get Mom or Dads attention. This is why it is important to praise good behavior.

After introducing this discipline and sucessfully following through, you will probably feel a well deserved sense of accomplishment. Sometimes it is important for parents to remember that they do have control as parents and it is possible to change a behavior. Please check out www.supernanny.com for addional support and information.

Typically once children understand the rules and the consequences of their home, the need for using the “naughty spot” will slowly disappear. Once it is in your tool bag you can use it whenever you need to. My number one suggestion is be Consistent!

Remember children need boundaries and need their parents to teach them the consequences of unacceptable behavior. You will do great I am sure.

Good Luck and remember to value the time you have with your children and focus on having moments of joyful one on one time to foster a close relationship between the two of you.

Sincerely,


Michelle


Michelle Chrastil, MA NCC CPD
Honest Family Services, LLC.
www.honestfamilyservices.com

A post for Dads.

Dear Parents and Readers,

There is currently a movement going on with the new generation of fathers. Dad's are tired of being on the back burner of parenting and are starting to make time with their children as important as their careers. It is about time that dads now have the opportunity to to both, family and career. Because I am not a father I think it is important for me to team up with a company that specilizes in understanding issues related to fatherhood. Daddy Doula is a company focused on meeting the needs of the modern father. Daddy Doula offers classes designed specifically for men, created by men.

Learn more about finding support for new dads and tap into a network of fathers who are dedicated to playing an active role in their children's lives. Learn more by visiting Daddy Doula's blog or their website at http://www.wherefathersgrow.com/.


Thanks Daddy Doula for finally providing a company dedicated to meeting the needs of new fathers.

Sincerely,

Michelle

Michelle Chrastil, MA NCC CPD
Honest Family Services
www.honestfamilyservices.com

5 Steps to Build Self Esteem in our Children

Hello parents and readers,

Recently a parent requested that I write a post which addresses the importance of building self esteem in our children and requested tips on how to encourage good self esteem in our children. In today's society, our children's' self esteem is under daily attack. With the media's portrayal of unattainable beauty and body size, we have to arm our children with the tools necessary to stand strong so that they can learn to love themselves and to appreciate their individual uniqueness. I have provided my readers with 5 steps to strengthen our child's self esteem. For more information go to www.honestfamilyservices.com.

5 Steps for Parents To Build Self Esteem in Their Children

Step #1 Be Generous with Praise.
All children need love and appreciation and thrive on positive attention.
Parents can do this by using "words" of encouragement. Use the following statements daily with your children...

1. "That's right"
2. "That is wonderful"
3. "Good Job"
4. "I like the way you..."
5. "You are improving at..."

Most Importantly
6. "I am proud of you"

Words and actions have great impact on the confidence of our children, including adolescents, remember these positive statements parents and caregivers say to them to your children DAILY.

Step #2 Give Positive Touch
All Children and adolescents thrive on positive physical responses such as...

1. Parents can smile often
2. Give a nod of approval
3. Wink at your child
4. Give a hug to show attention
5. Give kisses and tell them you love them

Step# 3 Avoid Criticism
Blame and negative judgments are at the core of poor self-esteem and can lead to emotional disorders. Avoid statements such as...

1. ANY Statements related to weight or body image. "You need to lose weight", "You need to burn calories" "You don't want to be fat do you" "You are looking too thin" "Lets go work out so you can lose a few pounds" or talking to friends or neighbors about "my child needs to lose weight".

This is a very important and prevalent issue. It is often between mothers and daughters and sometimes critical fathers towards their daughters weight. These statements can be VERY damaging. As parents, it is our job to foster good self esteem no matter what our child's body type.

Use positive statements and if needed modify food intake and increase exercise in a way that is focused on positive results. "Lets go work out so we can "stay" healthy and strong" "Lets eat some more veggies so you can grow big and strong like Mommy and Daddy" "You are already beautiful but if you want to choose an active activity to become more healthy, I will help you."

It is all in the way we say it to our children. Be positive. Never criticize body weight. Work on our own self esteems and practice saying these positive comments to our selves.
1. "I love my body"
2. "I am healthy and strong"
3. "I love my womanly curves"
4. "If I can't love myself the way I am, who will".

Step #4 Teach children about decision making.

Teach children about making "choices" and to recognize when they have made good decisions. Let them "own" their problems. If they solve them, they gain confidence in themselves. If you solve them, they'll remain dependent on you.

1. Encourage your children to make their own "choices", but remind them that there is a "consequence" to each choice. Hopefully, these natural consequences will guide them to make more smart choices in their future.

Step #5 Show children that you can laugh at yourself.
Show them that life doesn't need to be serious all the time and that some teasing is all in fun. Your sense of humor is important for their well-being.

Parents can play important roles in helping their children feel better about themselves and developing greater confidence. Doing this is important because children with good self-esteem:

Act independently
Assume responsibility
Take pride in their accomplishments
Tolerate frustration
Handle peer pressure appropriately
Attempt new tasks and challenges
Handle positive and negative emotions
Offer assistance to others

Remember, you are already taking the first step to improving your child's self esteem by educating your self.

Remember these 5 simple steps.
1. Increase Praise
2. Give Positive Touch
3. Avoid Criticism
4. Teach Decision Making Skills
5. Be able to Laugh at your self.

You have the opportunity to make a dramatic difference in your child's self concept. Let us teach and encourage our children in a positive way each day.

Best of Luck,

Michelle

Michelle Chrastil, MA NCC CPD
Honest Family Services, LLC.
www.honestfamilyservices.com

10 Steps On How To Hire a Nanny

Hello readers and parents,

Finding childcare for our precious little ones can be stressful. It seems as though as soon as you get a comfortable child care arrangement, something happens and it is time to repeat the process all over again. As part of my services I offer families support by matching up famililes with qualified nannies. The average cost of paying a nanny agency is between $950-$2000 per nanny placement. As you can see it can be expensive. It is also frustrating when the nanny you hired needs to be replaced a few months after hire. If hiring through an agency is too expensive or if you prefer to do the legwork yourself here are a few tips.

10 Steps to hire a nanny...

Step #1 Brainstorm with your partner on which qualities and qualifications you would like your new nanny to have.

Step #2 Create a paragraph long description of what you are looking for in a nanny. Include the days and hours she will be required to work, the minimal qualifications, and a salary range. Request that the applicants send you a resume and 2 references and include an email address for them to send you their materials.

In deciding on a salary range, an average hourly rate for a live-out nanny starts around $14 an hour and ranges up to $22 an hour based on education and qualifications. In choosing a salary range that is affordable for your family, consider how many children you have, how much flexibility you require, and the overall demand of the nanny position.

Step #3 Post the job posting. There are a few different online options where you can post you listing. I suggest posting at a few different locations.
http://www.craigslist.com/
http://www.gonannies.com/
Nannies from care.com.

Step #4 Screen the Applicants. This step requires the most time. Review the applicants and pick your top 5 applicants.

Step #5 Begin brief phone interviews. Contact your top 5 applicants and ask a few brief questions.
1. Do the required hours for this position fit with your schedule?
2. What is your reason for seeking a nanny position?
3. If you could choose one word to describe yourself what would it be?
4. Tell me one reason I should offer you the position versus another applicant?

Step #6 Decide on your top 3 applicants and set up in-person interviews. Interviews typically take place at the families home. Ideally it is best to have you and your partner sit through the interviews so you both can be a part of the process. If one parent is not available it is sometimes helpful to have a friend or a family member sit in on the interview for a second opinion.

Step #7 Pick your top two applicants and call references. Ask each reference at least a few questions.
1. Tell me about "______" as an employee?
2. How long did "______" work for you? what was the reason she left the position?
3. How would you describe her relationship with your children?
4. Would you refer her for this position?
5. Is there anything else you think would be important for me to know?

Step #8 Choose your top applicant and have them sign a release form to conduct a background check. You will need their signature and a copy of their drivers license.

Step #9 Run background check. Online resources are available for minimal price.
I suggest doing a price check through either www.care.com or www.gonannies.com.

Step #10 Make an offer to your top applicant. Once she accepts the position I suggest writing up a simple contract including the salary rate, expectations, paid holidays, and additional requirements for the position. Both you and the nanny sign the contract and keep a copy for reference.

Congratulations! You now have a nanny. The typical length of a nanny contract is one year. If you need any additional support or are interested in using my services to minimize the process, you can contact me at www.honestfamilyservices.com.

Best of Luck,

Michelle

Michelle Chrastil, MA CPD NCC
Honest Family Services, LLC.
www.honestfamilyservices.com

Help! My breastfed baby wakes me up every few hours all night long.

Dear readers and parents,

A common concern breastfeeding mothers report is that although their child is at the age to be physically able to sleep through the night (around 3-4 months)they keep mommy up by waking up 3-4 times a night to nurse. What is going on?

When babies are first born they need to eat every 2-3 hours throughout the day and night in order to get enough calories. At birth, most infants stomachs are only the size of a quarter. This means they need less milk to fill them up but they burn through the milk quickly thus needing to eat more often. When your baby reaches the age of 3 or 4 months they have probably developed some sort of routine and are understanding the difference between nighttime and daytime sleeping. They can also go for longer stretches without eating. At this age the goal is to fill up their day time tummies so their longest stretch will be in the middle of the night.

Sometimes a breastfed baby begins to sleep longer stretches around 3 months which is very exciting for parents. However, at some point around 4-6 months they begin to wake up more often (every 2 hours) and stop sleeping long stretches in the middle of the night. Today's question is Why?

What may be happening...

As a breastfeeding infant, your baby's primary goal is to begin developing a secure relationship with their caregiver which means they learn to trust that you as their parent will meet their needs when they need something. To an infant they are just beginning to understand this world and how to survive. So the goal for parents is to be attentive and loving to their infants during the first 3 months of life so their baby learns that they are safe. After the first 3 months your baby has probably learned that they are safe and well taken care of but now they are beginning to have preferences and are learning how to get what they "want" not necessarily what they "need". As parents your job now is to try to meet your babies needs by giving them what they want but also begin introducing boundaries and teaching them self soothing skills. Now it is time to make parenting decisions. Your breastfed infant has now learned that they love breastfeeding and they love their mommy. What is probably going on in the middle of the night is that they "want" you. They "want" to snuggle, they "want" to pacify on the breast, they may wake up and "want" you to put them back to sleep. Often they are not waking up to eat.

Now that you know what may be going on for your baby, now what do you do about it? Before we begin any changes in the nighttime feeding arrangement, we must first look at your babies routine during the day. Babies need structure and routine. It helps them understand what is coming next and what is expected of them.

Step #1: Routine

Review or establish a routine for your baby. Your routine can be flexible but should have some structure. Begin by purchasing a notebook and start recording what time your infant wakes up in the morning, times they eat, and designated bedtime. If you do not have a routine start by writing out your ideal routine that would work with your family's schedule.

Things to look for when reviewing your baby's routine...
1. How often do they eat? How long at each feeding? How long of stretch imbetween feedings.
2. When are your babies naps during the day? How long? How does your baby fall asleep? Where are her naps? Is their a routine at bedtime so she knows it is time to sleep?

It is common if you are reading this that you realize that your baby does not have a routine. That is okay, however it is time to establish one and begin following it daily. A baby's daytime routine is directly related to sleeping through the night. Creating a routine for your breastfed baby is the first step to increase stretches of sleep at night.

Step #2 Baby Checklist

Now that you have a set routine (check former blog post for more info), lets look for possible night waking causes.
Ask yourself...
Questions:

1. Is my child eating enough during the day?
2. Is my child getting at least 2-4 hours (2-3 naps daily) of sleep during the day?
3. Is my child sleeping more than 4 hours during the day?
4. Does my child no how to fall asleep without the breast?

These questions will point you to the possible solution...
Answers:

1.If your baby eats every 2 hours throughout the day, this is not a long enough stretch for your baby's body to adjust to going longer stretches at night. At five months, your baby should be able to go at least 3 hours between each feeding. The way to correct this is to start at the beginning of the day and only offer the breast after 3 hours. During the first stretch your baby will more than likely get hungry at their normal 2 hours but you need to distract them and hold them off to 3 hours. This will retrain them to eat more at each feeding thus increasing the amount of food they eat throughout the day.

2. If your baby is not getting at least 2 hours of sleep during the day, then your child is overtired and is having difficulty staying asleep. The solution is to develop a daily sleep routine and help your child get longer naps. Naps should be in the crib (or your families designated sleep area). It should be dark and calm in the room with a form of white noise to drown out daytime noises and to help keep baby sleeping. Pick a designated time for bedtime and try to stick with it. Again focus on developing routine. Create bedtime routine that may consist of a bath and books or just pj's and sometime in the rocking chair.

3. If your child is sleep more than 4 hours during the day, I would suggest keeping it to a 4 hour maximum. The best way to do this is to have a set routine with two 2 hour long naps which are at the same time everyday. Wake your baby up buy turning on the lights and turning off the white noise at about 2 hours.

4. More than likely your baby does not know how to go to sleep without the breast so they wake up often and need you to soothe them or they are waking up because they miss you and just "want" you to put them back to sleep. If this sounds familiar, it may be time to start crib training. Another helpful thing is to have dad go in the room and put her back to sleep with a bottle if it is time to eat. This will show your baby that it is not always mom and this usually encourages them to stay asleep.

Step #3 Make Changes

Now that you have an idea of what may be causing the night wakings, try one of my suggested solutions. If you need additional support or if you think it may be time for crib training, you can contact myself or your local postpartum doula for support.

Postpartum Doulas

www.honestfamilyservices.com
www.cappa.net
www.coloradodoulaassoication.com

Best of Luck,

Michelle

Michelle Chrastil, MA CPD NCC
Honest Family Services, LLC.
www.honestfamilyservics.com

How do I teach my baby to go to sleep on their own?

Dear parents and readers,

Teaching our infants to sleep through the night can be tiresome and frustrating, however it is very important. There are different ways that experts suggest on how to teach an infant to self soothe or fall asleep on their own. Recently a concerned parent asked me if there is a way to teach self soothing without letting your infant "cry it out". My answer to that is "yes, but" there are ways to teach your infant how to soothe themselves through opportunities and practice, however there is no way to guarantee that tears will not be shed.

Most families are working towards a goal of being able to put their child down for bed or nap while they are awake and being confident that their child can fall asleep on their own. Now this may not happen until a child is 2 or 3 years old or as early as 4 or 5 months, however it depends on the parents expectations and determination.

Before I provide suggestion on how to teach self soothing without "crying it out",
Lets talk a little about crying. Infant crying is the most important way babies have of communicating their needs. Babies don't have spoken words to tell us what they need or like or feel. Instead, they have a language all their own. Feet-kicking, hand-waving, head-turning, and different kinds of cries are the "words." Understanding crying is important for parents so they can learn to distinguish which need their infant is expressing based on the sound of their cry. In regards to teaching infants to self soothe, just remember if your child is safe, fed, dry, and securely attached then they will be completely okay crying for a few minutes without you reassuring them. With every transition there is likely to be a few tears since it is your babies way of communicating and they have learned how to get what they want.

Here are a few tips on how to teach your baby how to fall asleep on their own...

First off, developmentally an infant is capable of developing a regular sleep routine and self soothing techniques around the age of 4months. Prior to the 4 month mark, infants are still needing to eat every few hours throughout the night and most importantly, are learning that they can trust their caregivers to meet their needs.

The first thing to distinguish before you start teaching your child self soothing, is to decide whether or not your child feels safe. This means that you want to think about how your infant has been treated over the last few months. Questions to ask yourself include, When my baby cries has she been tended to? Has her environment been consistent? Has she been exposed to any violence or stress within the home? When I pick her up to soothe her does she calm down quickly? Does she know that her needs will be met when she needs something?
If your answers point to the fact that she has been given every opportunity to bond to a caregiver and she now knows that her needs will be met, this means that she has more than likely developed a "secure relationship". This means she knows she is safe and she trusts you. Now you can begin to challenge her by teaching her self soothing which is a valuable lifelong skill.

Teaching Self Soothing

1. Develop a regular sleep and feeding routine. (See Post on Sleeping Through the Night)

2. Routine should include a calm dark room with consistent white noise. It should also include a tight swaddle or a sleep sac for larger babies. This routine may also include a bottle and up to 10 minutes of rocking.

3. First goal is to be consistent with sleep routine for at least 2 weeks. Once baby is used to sleeping in crib at certain times, then we can begin to wean her from needing to be rocked/swayed to sleep.

4. Introduce opportunities to self soothe. The way to do this is to follow your normal sleep routine, which probably includes rocking, but start by laying your infant down in crib before they fall completely asleep. Walk away for 5 minutes. If they did not fall asleep, pick them up and rock them again. Try to lay them down again before they are completely asleep and repeat process. This allows opportunities for them to learn to self soothe. It may not work on day one so I suggest trying 2 or 3 times on the first day then go ahead and let them fall completely asleep so they get their nap. Repeat this everyday. They will eventually get more used to the idea and will eventually fall asleep during the 5 minutes where you walk away and they are left alone.

Some infants cry when they are put down before completely asleep. The first step is to lay them down and walk away for 5 minutes. When babies are really tired, they may fall asleep on their own after about 5-10 minutes of fussing or they will get mad and begin to cry hard. The goal is to pick them up and try again before they get really mad because it will be difficult for them to fall back asleep.

5. Be consistent. This is the closest option I know for not letting your child "cry it out" because it is only allowing a short 5 minute window for infants to try to put themselves to sleep or cry. "Cry it out" method includes increased periods of time where the infants are left alone to cry themselves asleep, thus eventually learning that they Can fall asleep without mom. The crying will subsequently decrease during each nap until they go down peacefully.

Remember, your child knows that they are safe and they know that you have not abandoned them. You are making the important parenting decision to teach you child a new life long skill. Sometimes parenting decisions are difficult although they are very important. You can do this. It is in the best interest of your entire family. Just be consistent and give yourself breaks. You can expect to see progress after at least 1 week of consistency. Good luck!

Sincerely,

Michelle

Michelle Chrastil, MA NCC CPD
Honest Family Services, LLC.
www.honestfamilyservices.com

Send Me Your Parenting Questions

Hello parents and readers,

Today I have decided not to post information on another parenting topic, but to invite anyone who may have a parenting question to write in and ask me.
I try to make the information I provide to families easy to understand and personal. If you are one of my readers and you are not a parent but know someone who is, please send them to this blog so they may get some support. I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,

Michelle

Michelle Chrastil, MA CPD NCC
Honest Family Services, LLC.
www.honestfamilyservices.com

3 Simple Steps to prevent Postpartum Depression

Dear parents and readers,

Over the years of working with parents, I have found that a postpartum doula can have a significant effect on preventing postpartum depression through their maternal care. I have developed 3 Simple Steps that help decrease the risk for postpartum depression as well as treat the symptoms.

What is Postpartum Depression? According to Wikipedia, "Postpartum depression (PPD), also called postnatal depression, is a form of clinical depression which can affect women, and less frequently men, after childbirth."
There are three different levels of postpartum depression. I will briefly give you information on all three levels.

1. Baby Blues occurs in 80% of postpartum women. Mothers describe symptoms as feeling tearful, irritable, and experience feeling a sense of sleeplessness, impairment of concentration, feelings of isolation and headache.
Baby blues are not the same thing as postpartum depression, nor are they a precursor to postpartum depression or postnatal psychosis.

2. Postpartum Depression occurs in 5-9% of postpartum women. The symptoms are more severe then in baby blues and it lasts longer than a few days. Symptoms may include sadness, fatigue, insomnia, appetite changes, reduced libido, crying episodes, anxiety, and irritability. Current data suggests that although 5 to 9 percent of women will develop postpartum depression, less than one in five of these women will seek professional help.

3. Postpartum psychosis is a severe mental illness, which involves a complete break with reality. Although sometimes confused with postpartum depression, postpartum psychosis is a very different disorder. Postpartum psychosis consists of an onset of psychotic symptoms that may include thought disturbances, delusions, hallucinations and/or disorganized speech or behavior.
Contact your doctor or go to the emergency room if you are experiencing any of the above symptoms.
Postpartum psychosis can lead to suicidal thoughts for new mothers and can also lead to thoughts of wanting to harm ones baby. It is important for dad's, partner's, and family members to be aware of these symptoms because women with psychosis need to be treated immediately. Check out www.psi.com for support.

Now that you are all worried... Let's talk about some simple ways to decrease your chances for developing a postpartum disorder.

Steps for parents:

Step #1 Feed the Mommy

Nutrition has been found to have a significant effect on the emotional well being of a new mother. Postpartum mothers are so focused on meeting the needs of their new infant that is extremely common that they neglect their own basic needs. They don't eat well.

Solution:
1. Anyone other than the new mom should be responsible for meal times. It should be either Dads or Partners job is to make sure she has food made and to give her time to eat her meals.

2. When friends or family call and ask, "Can I come over and see the baby? Do you need anything?" Always ask them to bring a meal. Whether they bring Chioplte or homemade casserole, food is the passage into the home. Stock up the freezer and hopefully the couple will not have to worry about cooking for at least the first few weeks.

3. Feed mom foods that heal the soul. Comfort foods are helpful for postpartum women, also foods that are rich with vitamins, vegetables, and warmth.

4. Increasing the amount of omega 3 fatty acids and B vitamins such as Riboflavin in a mothers diet can also decrease risk for postpartum depression.
A Good natural sources of omega 3 fatty acids include edible linseed oil, certain fish, grass fed rather than grain fed meat, and eggs from chickens fed on flax seed or other feed high in omega 3 fats. Omega 3 fatty acids can also be purchased in capsule form as a dietary supplement.

5. Take the baby for a few minutes and let mom eat in peace. Mom's are so focused on their new infant they will often not take breaks. Encourage her to take a 10-15 minute break each time she eats a meal when their are hands to help.

Step #2 Put Mommy to Bed

1. Sleep is so important for new moms yet it is hard to come by. Help her by taking the baby at least once a day so she can nap. Encourage her to nap while the baby sleeps.

2. Have someone around to help. Being a new mom can be isolating if dad is at work and family is not around. Have family or friends come by to let mom nap for at least 1 hour a day if possible.

3. If you do not have extended family as a support (or prefer space from family during this time) hire a postpartum doula or a nanny. A doula charges by the hour and is temporary support for postpartum women. A doula can help with giving mom breaks, preparing meals for mom, help with housework, or can provide a full nights sleep during an overnight shift. Doula's are also great for emotional support and can be great educational resources for new moms with lots of questions.

4. It will be easier for mom to take naps if she has someone helping with the housework. Otherwise, naps are her only time to catch up. Let her focus on healing, eating, sleeping, and caring for her new baby for at least the first 4 weeks.

Step #3: Listen to the Mommy

1. New moms typically are feeling overwhelmed, tired, and doubtful that they are caring for their baby right. It is helpful to let mom's vent about their frustrations. Let them cry when they feel emotional. Validate them when they feel like "I can't do this" or "I am a bad mother".

2. I have worked with many new families over the years and I have never worked for a new mom that did not break down and cry to me at least once. This is normal. Postpartum women are emotional and hormonal. They need to hear that they are doing a good job and their struggles are normal.

3. Dad's and partner's need to be supportive. Make sure you step in and help where ever you can. It is just as important that you learn how to be a parent by spending time with your infant and learning how to care for them. Remind the new mommy that it is your child to and you want to learn how to care for them. This will encourage her to take breaks.

4. Find outside support for mom. Depending on the situation, finding either a support group for new moms, online chat, or scheduling play dates with friends, can all be a great way to support mom. Online or phone counseling is also available to postpartum moms. You can go to my website at www.honestfamilyservices.com or check out www.psi.com.

There we have it. These are the 3 steps I recommend for preventing or decreasing symptoms of postpartum depression.
Step #1 Feed the Mommy
Step #2 Put the Mommy to Bed
Step #3 Listen to the Mommy

To find a local postpartum doula in your area...try www.cappa.net.

Sincerely,

Michelle

Michelle Chrastil, MA CPD NCC
Honest Family Services, LLC.
www.honestfamilyservices.com

How do I begin sleep/crib training with my baby?

Hello parents and readers,

The following blog addresses the question of
How do I begin sleep training or crib training?
I have provided my readers with a glimpse of what a sleep training routine may look like. For this particular family, they came to me in a state of crisis. Mom was breastfeeding and working full time with hardly any sleep at night. Their 5 month old did not know how to stay asleep so she constantly cried out every 1-2 hours throughout the night for mom to rock her back to sleep. The parents had not shared a bed in over 3 months. They wanted a big change.


Sarah has Difficulty staying asleep between 7pm-10pm:

This will be the first phase of crib training. She needs to learn that once she is asleep in her crib and fed, she needs to put herself back to sleep.
If she wakes up…
1st time: one of you may go into her room, pat her belly, say “time to sleep Sarah” “shhhhh” after 5 min. Walk out of the room and let her cry up to 10min. If she does not fall asleep….
2nd time: do not speak to her. Pat her belly say “shhhhh” after 5 min. walk out of the room. Let her cry up to 15 minutes. If she does not fall asleep….
3rd time: do not speak to her. Pat her belly no longer than 5 min. “shhhhh” walk out of the room. Let her cry herself to sleep. (maybe between 20-45 min)

This is hard for all parents. Your family is in crisis mode and Sarah needs to know that she can fall back to sleep on her own as soon as possible. She will only learn this through time and practice. The main goal with infants is to develop trust within the first few months so that their brains understand that you will meet their needs and they are safe. She cries when she wakes up because she does not know how to put herself back to sleep. She has only been rocked, nursed, and coddled back to sleep since birth. Now she knows she is safe and she knows you will come to her. But now she is in control. Your goal as parents is to get back the power. Set boundaries for her. Support her through kind words and soft touches as she learns to put herself to sleep, by first crying herself to sleep. She will be ok. It is harder for parents to hear their infant cry than it is for her to cry. Just remember…She knows she is safe. She knows you both love her. This is teaching her a valuable tool, self soothing. This is important for your family. You need your bed back for the marriage. You need to have family time for Luke before bed. Give this routine 1-2 weeks with consistency and I promise you will be happy with the results. Babies need a routine and they need to be taught how to sooth themselves to sleep. You can do this.

Good luck:)

Sincerely,

Michelle

Michelle Chrastil, MA CPD NCC
Honest Family Services, LLC.
www.honestfamilyservices.com

What is colic? Does my baby have it? What do I do?

Hello parents and readers,

The following is a one hour long audio radio interview I did on colic and how to treat colic. I was interviewed for a parenting website... www.parentinghq.com

http://www.knowledge-spot.com/phq/michellechrastil.mp3

Remember to stay calm while you try to soothe your upset baby. Infants react to their parents stress levels. They feel most calm when there caregiver can model being calm in a stressful situation.

Parents feel free to tell us about your experience dealing with a colicy baby.

Sincerely,

Michelle

Michelle Chrastil, MA CPD NCC
Honest Family Services, LLC.
www.honestfamilyservices.com

How do I get my baby to sleep through the night?

Hello readers and parents,

How do I get my baby to sleep through my night? is a very common question in my line of work. I have worked with many families on how to incorporate a scheduled daily routine for their babies which is the number one thing I recommend to increase the length of time your baby sleeps between each stretch at night. Although this was a routine designed individually for a specific family, it can be a useful tool to new parents. If you are interested in having me create a routine that is tailored to your families individual needs, you may contact me through my website.

When creating a routine for your infant there are two things that are important to remember...

1. Between the ages of 3-6month your infant should be moving to a regular eating schedule where they eat every 3-4 hours during the day. They should also be sleeping at least one 5 hour stretch in the middle of the night.

2. These babies also should be put down for a set nap every 2 hours. This means you check the clock after they wake up from their last nap and around 1 1/2 hours later offer them sleep again. I recommend a dim room,some form of white noise, and your baby should be swaddled. Being consistent is key in teaching your child healthy sleep habits.


Honest Family Services, LLC.
Brenna’s Feeding and Sleeping Routine

Feeding #1: Rise and Shine! 4:30-5:30 am Feed warm bottle of 4oz.

Early Morning nap: Between 6:30-8am.

Feeding #2: Between 8am-9am. Bottle made for 6oz.

Morning nap: Between 9:45-10am (wake up between 10:45-11:45). Put to
sleep in crib and let sleep up to 2 hours.

Feeding #3: Between 11:30am-12:30pm. Bottle made for 6oz.

Afternoon nap Between 12:45- 1:45. Put to sleep in crib. Can sleep up to 2 hours.

Feeding #4: Between 3:00pm-4pm. Bottle made for 6 oz.

Bedtime routine starts: Between 5:30-6:00pm
• Bath time and Lotion
• Pajamas and fresh diaper

Feeding #5: Between 6:00- 6:30pm Mom or Dad Feeds bottle with 6 oz in her room, dim lights, white noise, swaddled. (If asleep place in crib after being held slightly up right for 10min) or….

• Place in crib while swaddled snugly or need baby sleep sac to keep warm. Babies need to feel warm and comfortable. Consistency is the most important thing.

Feeding #6: Between 11:30pm-12:30pm bottle feed with 4oz-6oz of formula.
This is the feeding we want to be pushed back hour by hour until it becomes the Rise and Shine Feeding.

Rise and Shine Feeding #1: Between 4:30-5:30pm for Rise and Shine Feeding.


Again, this is an example of what a typical routine would look like.

Rules of thumb for introducing a new routine....

1. Be consistent for at least 1-2 weeks so you and your infant can both get used to the new way of doing things.

2. Make sure the whole family is on board. It is important to have both partners involved in making routine decisions so that they can make a team effort while they attempt to teach their baby a new and more healthy way of doing things.It is also good to involve the older siblings so they know the time that mommy or daddy may be unavailable due to the babies routine.

3. The routine should work for the whole family.

4. Allow yourself flexibility however staying consistent is the most important thing. Follow the above guidelines for the routine and stick with it consistently to allow opportunity for change.

Sincerely,

Michelle

Michelle Chrastil, MA CPD NCC
Honest Family Services, LLC.
www.honestfamilyservices.com

How to Introduce Discipline to your Toddler.

Hello readers and parents,

I wanted to take this opportunity to introduce myself as I begin this journey helping parents through this blog. As my profile mentions, my name is Michelle Chrastil and I am a master level therapist who specializes in working with children and families. I am also a certified postpartum doula and have been working with families for more than 10 years.

Yesterdays post was a report I wrote up for a family who contacted me to help them with their 21 month old. As you may have read, I discussed the method of discipline I recommend and provided a step by step guide on how to introduce the technique to your child. There comes a point where every new parent needs to decide how they are going to guide their child through difficulties. Some parents may not feel comfortable with the term "discipline" and interpret it as harsh. The discipline I am referring to is simply a consistent system that teaches children boundaries through expectations, consequences, and rewards. Every child needs guidance. They need to be taught the rules and consequences of their choices. They also need to be praised when they behave and sometimes rewarded. This is the most age appropriate and clear way to guide your children.

I welcome families to write in with their questions. I love the opportunity to share helpful information with parents and to encourage networking between the struggling families as a source of support.

Look for more posts that address common infant and child rearing related problems.

Sincerely,

Michelle

Michelle Chrastil MA CPD NCC
Honest Family Services, LLC.
www.honestfamilyservices.com

Help Me! My 21 month old will not stay asleep in her crib.

Honest Family Services, LLC.

Sienna’s Report

Name: Sienna

Age: 21 months

Identified Problem: Mother reported that Sienna has recently begun fighting sleep. Over the last week Sienna has begun fighting sleep by crying when parents lie her down for naps or bedtime. Sienna had no previous problems with going to sleep and staying asleep in her crib prior to the last few weeks. Parents also have observed new behaviors in Sienna that seem to be tantrums related to parents saying “no”.

Sleep Related Suggestions:

#1 Make sure that Sienna’s behaviors are not related to an illness, teething, or pain before trying a behavioral modification technique.

#2 When putting Sienna down for bedtime, make sure she is comfortable. Put lotion on eczema and make sure she cannot scratch herself. Follow a routine every night so she knows what to expect.

#3 Give Motrin before bed when trying to tell if the sleep problems are pain related.

#4 If Motrin makes no difference and you know that she is healthy then it is time to re-teach her to stay in her crib. (The information below regarding discipline will be a good place to start. We can talk about more specific techniques related to sleep once Sienna is well again)

Developmentally Based Suggestions for Discipline:

Sienna is approaching the age where parents need to start thinking about their personal discipline style and exploring which discipline techniques they plan on introducing to Sienna and continuing to use throughout toddlerhood and preschool years.

It seems Sienna’s behavioral changes may be related to her understanding that she is the “boss” of her household and of her parents. This is normal but needs to change. She needs to learn that it is her parent’s job to keep her safe and to teach her good behaviors. Sienna needs to know that her parents are in charge.

Developmentally children need to have their limits or boundaries taught to them by their parents. They need their parents to be able to teach them what is expected from them regarding behavior. The way to do this is to begin with laying out the household rules. This may seem advanced for a 1 ½ year old but she will understand. The concept will evolve with age.

Introduction to Discipline

#1 Begin with appropriate Household Rules for Sienna

1. No Hitting

2. No Biting

3. No Screaming when mom or dad tells you “no”.

These rules are sufficient and should cover most of your basis for behavioral problems at this age.

#2 Choose Sienna’s Consequence to breaking a rule.

This should include picking a safe space for Sienna to calm down while throwing a tantrum or breaking a rule. This place can be a designated chair, pillow on the floor, a room, a stair, or a spot of the floor that is marked. (When I started with laven at 19 months it was a “naughty pillow” on the floor and it evolved to the first stair as she got older)

Once you choose the spot be consistent and choose a name for the spot. It could be anything that fits with your parenting beliefs…. “Time out”, “Naughty Spot”, “Reflection Room”, “Down Time”, “Chill out Chair”, or anything else that works for you.

#3 Implementing the Consequence (we will refer to the spot for now as “naughty spot”)

To begin, “Naughty spot” is used when Sienna breaks a rule. The way you use this technique is you match the time Sienna spends on the spot with her age. For now Sienna is one year old so she will serve 1 minute when she breaks a rule.

Sienna must stay on the spot for the entire 1 minute but she is allowed to cry at this age.

To teach her how to use the “naughty spot” you will start with showing her the spot and telling her that if she screams or throws a fit then she will have to sit there for 1 minute. She won’t completely understand until her first offenceJ

Steps for 1^st offence…

Parent Dialog:

#1 Give a warning. “If you don’t stop crying like that then you will go to the naughty spot for 1 min.”

#2 Sit Sienna on the spot. If she gets off the spot, pick her up and set her back on the spot. In a very firm voice, “Sienna you have to stay.”(Stay calm in your actions and in your voice). Continue with putting her back on the spot until she stays. She will probably fight with you and cry the whole time for the first time. Stay close by but don’t engage her by looking at her or talking to her while on the spot. Start the time when she figures out she needs to stay on the spot. Time 1 minute.

#3 After 1 minute is up, walk over to Sienna and get on her level eye to eye. “Mommy put you on the Naughty spot because you were screaming. That is not ok. We don’t scream when I say no. I love you.” Give her some loveJ through hugs or a kiss.

Yea you have done it!

#4 When Sienna is older you will ask for an apology but not until she can more fully understand and communicate.

Great job! You will probably feel a well deserved sense of accomplishment once you have been able to do this technique because it will be a reminder that you as her parent are in control.

This discipline tool will work for Sienna until the age of 9 most likely. Typically once children understand the rules and the consequences the need for using the “naughty spot” will slowly disappear but once it is in your tool bag you can use it whenever you need to. For example, my daughter used to have time out once a day or more but now it is rare. She has learned what is expected of her.

In regards to the validity to this technique, I can tell you that every therapist, behavioral specialist, parenting coach, Supernanny, Nanny911 all use the same technique. It works. It is safe, and children understand it. It works much more effectively then spanking or yelling.

It is important for parents to remember that their expectations for their children are known through household rules and there is a consistent consequence. I know you are both great parents and I believe with this tool you can continue to teach your beautiful daughter what is right and what is wrong. Give Sienna lots of words regarding her behavior “we don’t hit because it is not kind” and also give her words for her feelings “I can see that you are angry right now” or “I can see that you are sad, that is ok, but it is not ok to hit mommy.”

Remember children need boundaries and need their parents to teach them the consequences of unacceptable behavior. You will do great I am sure.

Good Luck and remember to value your time with your daughter and focus on having moments of joyful one on one time to foster a close relationship between the two of you.

Sincerely,

Michelle

Michelle Chrastil, MA NCC CPD

Honest Family Services, LLC.

www.honestfamilyservices.com