Honest Family Services, LLC.
Sienna’s Report
Name: Sienna
Age: 21 months
Identified Problem: Mother reported that Sienna has recently begun fighting sleep. Over the last week Sienna has begun fighting sleep by crying when parents lie her down for naps or bedtime. Sienna had no previous problems with going to sleep and staying asleep in her crib prior to the last few weeks. Parents also have observed new behaviors in Sienna that seem to be tantrums related to parents saying “no”.
Sleep Related Suggestions:
#1 Make sure that Sienna’s behaviors are not related to an illness, teething, or pain before trying a behavioral modification technique.
#2 When putting Sienna down for bedtime, make sure she is comfortable. Put lotion on eczema and make sure she cannot scratch herself. Follow a routine every night so she knows what to expect.
#3 Give Motrin before bed when trying to tell if the sleep problems are pain related.
#4 If Motrin makes no difference and you know that she is healthy then it is time to re-teach her to stay in her crib. (The information below regarding discipline will be a good place to start. We can talk about more specific techniques related to sleep once Sienna is well again)
Developmentally Based Suggestions for Discipline:
Sienna is approaching the age where parents need to start thinking about their personal discipline style and exploring which discipline techniques they plan on introducing to Sienna and continuing to use throughout toddlerhood and preschool years.
It seems Sienna’s behavioral changes may be related to her understanding that she is the “boss” of her household and of her parents. This is normal but needs to change. She needs to learn that it is her parent’s job to keep her safe and to teach her good behaviors. Sienna needs to know that her parents are in charge.
Developmentally children need to have their limits or boundaries taught to them by their parents. They need their parents to be able to teach them what is expected from them regarding behavior. The way to do this is to begin with laying out the household rules. This may seem advanced for a 1 ½ year old but she will understand. The concept will evolve with age.
Introduction to Discipline
#1 Begin with appropriate Household Rules for Sienna
1. No Hitting
2. No Biting
3. No Screaming when mom or dad tells you “no”.
These rules are sufficient and should cover most of your basis for behavioral problems at this age.
#2 Choose Sienna’s Consequence to breaking a rule.
This should include picking a safe space for Sienna to calm down while throwing a tantrum or breaking a rule. This place can be a designated chair, pillow on the floor, a room, a stair, or a spot of the floor that is marked. (When I started with laven at 19 months it was a “naughty pillow” on the floor and it evolved to the first stair as she got older)
Once you choose the spot be consistent and choose a name for the spot. It could be anything that fits with your parenting beliefs…. “Time out”, “Naughty Spot”, “Reflection Room”, “Down Time”, “Chill out Chair”, or anything else that works for you.
#3 Implementing the Consequence (we will refer to the spot for now as “naughty spot”)
To begin, “Naughty spot” is used when Sienna breaks a rule. The way you use this technique is you match the time Sienna spends on the spot with her age. For now Sienna is one year old so she will serve 1 minute when she breaks a rule.
Sienna must stay on the spot for the entire 1 minute but she is allowed to cry at this age.
To teach her how to use the “naughty spot” you will start with showing her the spot and telling her that if she screams or throws a fit then she will have to sit there for 1 minute. She won’t completely understand until her first offenceJ
Steps for 1st offence…
Parent Dialog:
#1 Give a warning. “If you don’t stop crying like that then you will go to the naughty spot for 1 min.”
#2 Sit Sienna on the spot. If she gets off the spot, pick her up and set her back on the spot. In a very firm voice, “Sienna you have to stay.”(Stay calm in your actions and in your voice). Continue with putting her back on the spot until she stays. She will probably fight with you and cry the whole time for the first time. Stay close by but don’t engage her by looking at her or talking to her while on the spot. Start the time when she figures out she needs to stay on the spot. Time 1 minute.
#3 After 1 minute is up, walk over to Sienna and get on her level eye to eye. “Mommy put you on the Naughty spot because you were screaming. That is not ok. We don’t scream when I say no. I love you.” Give her some loveJ through hugs or a kiss.
Yea you have done it!
#4 When Sienna is older you will ask for an apology but not until she can more fully understand and communicate.
Great job! You will probably feel a well deserved sense of accomplishment once you have been able to do this technique because it will be a reminder that you as her parent are in control.
This discipline tool will work for Sienna until the age of 9 most likely. Typically once children understand the rules and the consequences the need for using the “naughty spot” will slowly disappear but once it is in your tool bag you can use it whenever you need to. For example, my daughter used to have time out once a day or more but now it is rare. She has learned what is expected of her.
In regards to the validity to this technique, I can tell you that every therapist, behavioral specialist, parenting coach, Supernanny, Nanny911 all use the same technique. It works. It is safe, and children understand it. It works much more effectively then spanking or yelling.
It is important for parents to remember that their expectations for their children are known through household rules and there is a consistent consequence. I know you are both great parents and I believe with this tool you can continue to teach your beautiful daughter what is right and what is wrong. Give Sienna lots of words regarding her behavior “we don’t hit because it is not kind” and also give her words for her feelings “I can see that you are angry right now” or “I can see that you are sad, that is ok, but it is not ok to hit mommy.”
Remember children need boundaries and need their parents to teach them the consequences of unacceptable behavior. You will do great I am sure.
Good Luck and remember to value your time with your daughter and focus on having moments of joyful one on one time to foster a close relationship between the two of you.
Michelle
Michelle Chrastil, MA NCC CPD
Honest Family Services, LLC.
www.honestfamilyservices.com
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