The Discipline Approach I Love

Hello parents and readers,

In today's post, I am addressing my preferred method of discipline which I use in my counseling practice and with my own child. I will provide a step by step guide on how to introduce this technique and use it within your family.

There comes a point where every new parent needs to decide how they are going to guide their child through difficulties. Some parents may not feel comfortable with the term "discipline" and interpret it as harsh. The discipline I am referring to is simply a consistent system that teaches children boundaries through expectations, consequences, and praise. Every child needs guidance. They need to be taught the rules and consequences of their choices. They also need to be praised when they behave well. In my experience, this method of discipline is the most age appropriate and clear way to guide your children.

Expectations, Consequences, and Praise (ECP) method of Discipline
1. Set Expectations
2. Have Consequences
3. Praise good behaviors

This method of discipline matches with what children need developmentally. Children need to have their expectations known to them, consistent consequences, and lots of praise for good behavior. As you can see this method of discipline does not use any physical forms of punishment. For more information on spanking, please see the end of this post.

Introduction to ECP Discipline

Step #1: Expectations
Begin with setting appropriate Household Rules

Setting rules for your children is important. It is important for us as parents to be clear on what we expect from our children and it is helpful for children to have clear expectations regarding behavior. When making the rules have them fit with your parenting expectations and your child's behavioral challenges. Once you have chosen rules, make them known by making a rule board chart to hang on a wall or the refrigerator. Introduce the rules to your child through disscussion.

Example for 24 month old girl...
1. No Hitting

2. No Biting

3. No Screaming when mom or dad tells you “no”.

Step #2: Consequences
How to enforce consequences...

1. Pick Location
Pick safe space and label it. This place can be a designated chair, pillow on the floor, a room, a stair, or a spot of the floor that is marked. It can be anything that fits with your parenting beliefs…. “Time out”, “Naughty Spot”, “Reflection Room”, “Down Time”, “Chill out Chair”, or anything else that works for you. When I started with my daughter at 19 months it was a “naughty pillow” on the floor and it evolved to the first stair as she got older.

2. Set Timer

To begin, “Naughty spot” is used when your child breaks a rule. The way you use this technique is you match the time each child spends on the spot with their age. For example, lets say your daughter is one year old so she will serve 1 minute when she breaks a rule.

3. Follow Up
After your child has served their time, walk over to them and get on eye level. Say, “Mommy put you on the Naughty spot because you were screaming. That is not ok. We don’t scream when I say no. I would like an apology".

4. Child Apology
You may need to remind them why they are in time out but then they should apologize.

5. Give Love
After timeout it is okay to remind their children that you love them. Give a hug or kiss.

Step #3 Praise Good Behaviors
Children also need positive praise to reinforce their good behavior. So often we give more attention to our children's negative behaviors and then they learn that bad behavior is the way to get Mom or Dads attention. This is why it is important to praise good behavior.

After introducing this discipline and sucessfully following through, you will probably feel a well deserved sense of accomplishment. Sometimes it is important for parents to remember that they do have control as parents and it is possible to change a behavior. Please check out www.supernanny.com for addional support and information.

Typically once children understand the rules and the consequences of their home, the need for using the “naughty spot” will slowly disappear. Once it is in your tool bag you can use it whenever you need to. My number one suggestion is be Consistent!

Remember children need boundaries and need their parents to teach them the consequences of unacceptable behavior. You will do great I am sure.

Good Luck and remember to value the time you have with your children and focus on having moments of joyful one on one time to foster a close relationship between the two of you.

Sincerely,


Michelle


Michelle Chrastil, MA NCC CPD
Honest Family Services, LLC.
www.honestfamilyservices.com