Help! My toddler won't sleep in his own bed.

Dear parents and readers,

This post addresses ways to improve your toddlers sleep habits and provides guidelines on how to create a new routine that works for your entire family.

In working with toddler's sleep habits, most parents are struggling with the sleeping habits that were formed during infancy. Parents have many choices during the infancy stage related to creating sleep habits that follow children into toddler hood. My best words of advice for new parents is to make parenting choices wisely. Every habit you create, you will eventually need to break. A few examples of habits in which I am referring to could include; rocking or bouncing your child to sleep every night, co-sleeping, irregular nap schedules, lack of bedtime routine, or allowing your child into mom or dads bed in the middle of the night.

These "habits" could be working for mom and dad during the first few months or even the first few years, however most parents get to a point where they want to break these habit in order to teach their child a more developmentally appropriate sleeping routine. For example, most parents who love to co-sleep with their infant may not feel as comfortable with their 4 year old in bed with them every night.

If you are a parent and you are finding yourself in one of these situations, take a deep breath because I guarantee that if you follow these 3 easy steps over the next few weeks you will be able to teach your child a new, healthy, age appropriate routine so everyone gets a good night sleep.

Step #1 Create a bedtime routine.

Setting a routine is the most important phase. Children love routine because it helps them to transition and know what is coming next. It gives children a sense of security in a world that they may not have very much power or control over things.

• A toddlers routine should include a set bedtime when the routine begins. Typically between 6:30-8:30 depending on family's schedule.
• Create an order of events as cues for your child. Such as first take bath, then brush teeth, then read 2 stories in bed.
• Say "We love you. Goodnight" and turn out the lights with a friendly night light in place.

Once you and your partner have decided on an ideal bedtime, both of you must commit to making the new routine work.

Step #2 Introduce New "Big Boy" routine to your toddler. Be Consistent!

When introducing the new "Big Boy" routine tell your child that you are so proud of them for being a big boy and it is now time for the "Big Boy" routine. Things that help are getting a "Big Boy" night light or possibly a "Big Boy" bed. Anything that helps them feel proud of the transition.

Explain your expectations to your toddler. " You are a big boy now and this is how we do bedtime routine. Bath then brush our teeth and then 2 books in bed. You will stay in your bed until the sun comes out and then we will start another day.

First Night: Get him excited about new routine. Walk him through the motions. Say goodnight and walk out the room. This will be the hard part but it typically will only last a few nights. Don't give in or it will be harder next time you try!

• 1st time: walk out of room and say "goodnight darling"
• 2nd time: When he comes out of the room, walk him back to the room "calmly" and say "it is bedtime darling".
• 3rd time: Say nothing. Remain Calm. Walk him back to his bed. Leave the room with saying nothing.
• 4th time: Say nothing. Remain Calm. Walk him back to bed. Leave the room with saying nothing.
• 5th time...and so on: Continue with staying calm and walking him back to bed with saying nothing. He will eventually fall asleep. If he wakes up in the middle of the night. Continue with saying nothing.

This process may take up to two hours the FIRST night. Stay consistent. Do not become angry or it will add fuel to the fire. Stay calm. This models to him that you are serious and he will not be getting away with his previous behaviors.

If you need extra support, go to http://www.supernannies.com/ and watch any one of her videos with parents modeling this strategy. Be prepared to feel tired that first night but satisfied.

Step #3 Stay calm and leave your anger at the door.

Staying calm is very important in teaching this new routine to your child. Do not engage with them beyond the first offence of getting out of bed. Your child knows how to push your buttons and how to get what they want.

You can do this! This is in the best interest of your family. You are the parent and You are in control.

Again, by following these three easy steps you can transition your child into a new routine for the whole family to be proud of.

Step #1 Create bedtime routine.

Step #2 Introduce routine. Be consistent.

Step #3 Stay calm. Leave your anger at the door.

Remember, being consistent is the most important thing when setting a new expectation for your child. Remaining calm will keep you as the parent in control. If you cannot remain calm it will only escalate into a battle between you and your child. Model for your child that you are in control, you are consistent, you are calm and there is no way they will win this battle. Be Consistent! Hang in there. Allow about 2 hours for the first night of changing the bedtime routine. The second night should take about half the time and the third night even less. Stick with the routine for at least 2 weeks and I guarantee you will be happy with the results if you stick to your plan.

Good luck. Remember you are teaching your child very important skills and it is up to you to trust your parenting abilities and make the changes that are in the best interest of your child.

Sincerely,

Michelle


Michelle Chrastil, MA NCC CPD

Honest Family Services, LLC.

http://www.honestfamilyservices.com/