Help! My toddler won't sleep in his own bed.

Dear parents and readers,

This post addresses ways to improve your toddlers sleep habits and provides guidelines on how to create a new routine that works for your entire family.

In working with toddler's sleep habits, most parents are struggling with the sleeping habits that were formed during infancy. Parents have many choices during the infancy stage related to creating sleep habits that follow children into toddler hood. My best words of advice for new parents is to make parenting choices wisely. Every habit you create, you will eventually need to break. A few examples of habits in which I am referring to could include; rocking or bouncing your child to sleep every night, co-sleeping, irregular nap schedules, lack of bedtime routine, or allowing your child into mom or dads bed in the middle of the night.

These "habits" could be working for mom and dad during the first few months or even the first few years, however most parents get to a point where they want to break these habit in order to teach their child a more developmentally appropriate sleeping routine. For example, most parents who love to co-sleep with their infant may not feel as comfortable with their 4 year old in bed with them every night.

If you are a parent and you are finding yourself in one of these situations, take a deep breath because I guarantee that if you follow these 3 easy steps over the next few weeks you will be able to teach your child a new, healthy, age appropriate routine so everyone gets a good night sleep.

Step #1 Create a bedtime routine.

Setting a routine is the most important phase. Children love routine because it helps them to transition and know what is coming next. It gives children a sense of security in a world that they may not have very much power or control over things.

• A toddlers routine should include a set bedtime when the routine begins. Typically between 6:30-8:30 depending on family's schedule.
• Create an order of events as cues for your child. Such as first take bath, then brush teeth, then read 2 stories in bed.
• Say "We love you. Goodnight" and turn out the lights with a friendly night light in place.

Once you and your partner have decided on an ideal bedtime, both of you must commit to making the new routine work.

Step #2 Introduce New "Big Boy" routine to your toddler. Be Consistent!

When introducing the new "Big Boy" routine tell your child that you are so proud of them for being a big boy and it is now time for the "Big Boy" routine. Things that help are getting a "Big Boy" night light or possibly a "Big Boy" bed. Anything that helps them feel proud of the transition.

Explain your expectations to your toddler. " You are a big boy now and this is how we do bedtime routine. Bath then brush our teeth and then 2 books in bed. You will stay in your bed until the sun comes out and then we will start another day.

First Night: Get him excited about new routine. Walk him through the motions. Say goodnight and walk out the room. This will be the hard part but it typically will only last a few nights. Don't give in or it will be harder next time you try!

• 1st time: walk out of room and say "goodnight darling"
• 2nd time: When he comes out of the room, walk him back to the room "calmly" and say "it is bedtime darling".
• 3rd time: Say nothing. Remain Calm. Walk him back to his bed. Leave the room with saying nothing.
• 4th time: Say nothing. Remain Calm. Walk him back to bed. Leave the room with saying nothing.
• 5th time...and so on: Continue with staying calm and walking him back to bed with saying nothing. He will eventually fall asleep. If he wakes up in the middle of the night. Continue with saying nothing.

This process may take up to two hours the FIRST night. Stay consistent. Do not become angry or it will add fuel to the fire. Stay calm. This models to him that you are serious and he will not be getting away with his previous behaviors.

If you need extra support, go to http://www.supernannies.com/ and watch any one of her videos with parents modeling this strategy. Be prepared to feel tired that first night but satisfied.

Step #3 Stay calm and leave your anger at the door.

Staying calm is very important in teaching this new routine to your child. Do not engage with them beyond the first offence of getting out of bed. Your child knows how to push your buttons and how to get what they want.

You can do this! This is in the best interest of your family. You are the parent and You are in control.

Again, by following these three easy steps you can transition your child into a new routine for the whole family to be proud of.

Step #1 Create bedtime routine.

Step #2 Introduce routine. Be consistent.

Step #3 Stay calm. Leave your anger at the door.

Remember, being consistent is the most important thing when setting a new expectation for your child. Remaining calm will keep you as the parent in control. If you cannot remain calm it will only escalate into a battle between you and your child. Model for your child that you are in control, you are consistent, you are calm and there is no way they will win this battle. Be Consistent! Hang in there. Allow about 2 hours for the first night of changing the bedtime routine. The second night should take about half the time and the third night even less. Stick with the routine for at least 2 weeks and I guarantee you will be happy with the results if you stick to your plan.

Good luck. Remember you are teaching your child very important skills and it is up to you to trust your parenting abilities and make the changes that are in the best interest of your child.

Sincerely,

Michelle


Michelle Chrastil, MA NCC CPD

Honest Family Services, LLC.

http://www.honestfamilyservices.com/

Help! Does my child need therapy?

Dear parents and readers,

As a certified child and family therapist, I often get questions from parents about play therapy. Parents are wondering about how play therapy can help children and what types of issues therapy can address. In this article I will talk about play therapy and how it can be helpful in different situations.

Most parents spend a lot of time watching their children to make sure that they are where they need to be in terms of social and emotional development when compared to their peers. Sometimes a parent may start to notice a behavioral change in their child that becomes concerning. Our children's behaviors tell us a lot about what is going on for them. For example, a child may be doing great at home or school until a traumatic event such as a death in the family or a parent separation occurs. This child may begin to show signs of distress to their parents through their behavior. Children who experience stress can show signs of physiological discomfort such as headaches or stomach aches or can change behaviorally. An example of a behavioral change would be that your child starts to have difficulty with expressing emotions which can cause aggressive outbursts of anger or your child becomes emotional and has difficulty calming themselves down once upset. Play therapy is used to treat children's' emotional and behavioral issues.

Why Play Therapy?

Play therapy is a structured, theoretically based approach to therapy. It is used to help children express what is troubling them through play when they do not have the communication skills to express their thoughts and emotions verbally. In play therapy, toys are the child words and play is the child's language. The positive relationship that develops between the therapist and the child during play therapy sessions provides a corrective emotional experience necessary for healing (Play Therapy Institute). Through play therapy, children learn techniques to help them communicate with others, express feelings, modify behaviors, and develop problem solving skills. Play therapy can help your child if they are having difficulty adjusting to a loss, divorce, traumatic event, or changes within the family. Play therapy can also address social or behavioral difficulties at home or school. Play provides a safe place for children to express thoughts and feelings appropriate to their development.

Now that you know what Play Therapy is, let me answer a few questions about the process of starting therapy for your child.

Question: How do I find a child therapist?

Answer: Choosing a therapist that is right for your family is very important. Make sure you look at a therapist credentials to make sure they have at least a Masters degree in counseling. Choose a therapist that has training or experience in play therapy or focuses on children in their practice.

Here are a few suggestions of places to look for a child therapist in your area.

1. Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/

2. People House http://www.peoplehouse.org/

3. National Institute for Play Therapy http://www.a4pt.org/

4. General Google Search "child therapist denver"


Question: How much does a play therapy session cost?

Answer: Each therapist has their own rate but it ranges from $50-$120 per hour.
Most therapists offer 50 minute sessions. Most parents commit to at least 2 months of weekly sessions. Some clients continue to work with their therapist for more than a year.


Question: Does insurance pay for the sessions?

Answer: Some therapists accept insurance. Most therapists will provide a receipt at the end of the month to turn into your insurance company. This is an important question to ask when choosing the right therapist for your family.


Question: How do I set up a session with you to begin counseling for my child?

Answer: I currently see clients at my office location in Denver Colorado. You can set up an appointment through my website, http://www.honestfamilyservices.com/.
I offer a complimentary 30 minute phone consultation to answer any questions.

Remember, play therapy is designed to help children by meeting them where they are at developmentally and provides insight to parents on their child's behaviors and ways to make changes.

If you are a parent and have more specific questions related to whether or not your child would benefit from play therapy, please email me your questions and send them to michelle@honestfamilyservices.com.


Sincerely,

Michelle


Michelle Chrastil, MA CPD NCC
Honest Family Services, LLC.
http://www.honestfamilyservices.com/

The Discipline Approach I Love

Hello parents and readers,

In today's post, I am addressing my preferred method of discipline which I use in my counseling practice and with my own child. I will provide a step by step guide on how to introduce this technique and use it within your family.

There comes a point where every new parent needs to decide how they are going to guide their child through difficulties. Some parents may not feel comfortable with the term "discipline" and interpret it as harsh. The discipline I am referring to is simply a consistent system that teaches children boundaries through expectations, consequences, and praise. Every child needs guidance. They need to be taught the rules and consequences of their choices. They also need to be praised when they behave well. In my experience, this method of discipline is the most age appropriate and clear way to guide your children.

Expectations, Consequences, and Praise (ECP) method of Discipline
1. Set Expectations
2. Have Consequences
3. Praise good behaviors

This method of discipline matches with what children need developmentally. Children need to have their expectations known to them, consistent consequences, and lots of praise for good behavior. As you can see this method of discipline does not use any physical forms of punishment. For more information on spanking, please see the end of this post.

Introduction to ECP Discipline

Step #1: Expectations
Begin with setting appropriate Household Rules

Setting rules for your children is important. It is important for us as parents to be clear on what we expect from our children and it is helpful for children to have clear expectations regarding behavior. When making the rules have them fit with your parenting expectations and your child's behavioral challenges. Once you have chosen rules, make them known by making a rule board chart to hang on a wall or the refrigerator. Introduce the rules to your child through disscussion.

Example for 24 month old girl...
1. No Hitting

2. No Biting

3. No Screaming when mom or dad tells you “no”.

Step #2: Consequences
How to enforce consequences...

1. Pick Location
Pick safe space and label it. This place can be a designated chair, pillow on the floor, a room, a stair, or a spot of the floor that is marked. It can be anything that fits with your parenting beliefs…. “Time out”, “Naughty Spot”, “Reflection Room”, “Down Time”, “Chill out Chair”, or anything else that works for you. When I started with my daughter at 19 months it was a “naughty pillow” on the floor and it evolved to the first stair as she got older.

2. Set Timer

To begin, “Naughty spot” is used when your child breaks a rule. The way you use this technique is you match the time each child spends on the spot with their age. For example, lets say your daughter is one year old so she will serve 1 minute when she breaks a rule.

3. Follow Up
After your child has served their time, walk over to them and get on eye level. Say, “Mommy put you on the Naughty spot because you were screaming. That is not ok. We don’t scream when I say no. I would like an apology".

4. Child Apology
You may need to remind them why they are in time out but then they should apologize.

5. Give Love
After timeout it is okay to remind their children that you love them. Give a hug or kiss.

Step #3 Praise Good Behaviors
Children also need positive praise to reinforce their good behavior. So often we give more attention to our children's negative behaviors and then they learn that bad behavior is the way to get Mom or Dads attention. This is why it is important to praise good behavior.

After introducing this discipline and sucessfully following through, you will probably feel a well deserved sense of accomplishment. Sometimes it is important for parents to remember that they do have control as parents and it is possible to change a behavior. Please check out www.supernanny.com for addional support and information.

Typically once children understand the rules and the consequences of their home, the need for using the “naughty spot” will slowly disappear. Once it is in your tool bag you can use it whenever you need to. My number one suggestion is be Consistent!

Remember children need boundaries and need their parents to teach them the consequences of unacceptable behavior. You will do great I am sure.

Good Luck and remember to value the time you have with your children and focus on having moments of joyful one on one time to foster a close relationship between the two of you.

Sincerely,


Michelle


Michelle Chrastil, MA NCC CPD
Honest Family Services, LLC.
www.honestfamilyservices.com