Hello parents and readers,
Today I have decided not to post information on another parenting topic, but to invite anyone who may have a parenting question to write in and ask me.
I try to make the information I provide to families easy to understand and personal. If you are one of my readers and you are not a parent but know someone who is, please send them to this blog so they may get some support. I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Michelle
Michelle Chrastil, MA CPD NCC
Honest Family Services, LLC.
www.honestfamilyservices.com
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
3 Simple Steps to prevent Postpartum Depression
Dear parents and readers,
Over the years of working with parents, I have found that a postpartum doula can have a significant effect on preventing postpartum depression through their maternal care. I have developed 3 Simple Steps that help decrease the risk for postpartum depression as well as treat the symptoms.
What is Postpartum Depression? According to Wikipedia, "Postpartum depression (PPD), also called postnatal depression, is a form of clinical depression which can affect women, and less frequently men, after childbirth."
There are three different levels of postpartum depression. I will briefly give you information on all three levels.
1. Baby Blues occurs in 80% of postpartum women. Mothers describe symptoms as feeling tearful, irritable, and experience feeling a sense of sleeplessness, impairment of concentration, feelings of isolation and headache.
Baby blues are not the same thing as postpartum depression, nor are they a precursor to postpartum depression or postnatal psychosis.
2. Postpartum Depression occurs in 5-9% of postpartum women. The symptoms are more severe then in baby blues and it lasts longer than a few days. Symptoms may include sadness, fatigue, insomnia, appetite changes, reduced libido, crying episodes, anxiety, and irritability. Current data suggests that although 5 to 9 percent of women will develop postpartum depression, less than one in five of these women will seek professional help.
3. Postpartum psychosis is a severe mental illness, which involves a complete break with reality. Although sometimes confused with postpartum depression, postpartum psychosis is a very different disorder. Postpartum psychosis consists of an onset of psychotic symptoms that may include thought disturbances, delusions, hallucinations and/or disorganized speech or behavior.
Contact your doctor or go to the emergency room if you are experiencing any of the above symptoms.
Postpartum psychosis can lead to suicidal thoughts for new mothers and can also lead to thoughts of wanting to harm ones baby. It is important for dad's, partner's, and family members to be aware of these symptoms because women with psychosis need to be treated immediately. Check out www.psi.com for support.
Now that you are all worried... Let's talk about some simple ways to decrease your chances for developing a postpartum disorder.
Steps for parents:
Step #1 Feed the Mommy
Nutrition has been found to have a significant effect on the emotional well being of a new mother. Postpartum mothers are so focused on meeting the needs of their new infant that is extremely common that they neglect their own basic needs. They don't eat well.
Solution:
1. Anyone other than the new mom should be responsible for meal times. It should be either Dads or Partners job is to make sure she has food made and to give her time to eat her meals.
2. When friends or family call and ask, "Can I come over and see the baby? Do you need anything?" Always ask them to bring a meal. Whether they bring Chioplte or homemade casserole, food is the passage into the home. Stock up the freezer and hopefully the couple will not have to worry about cooking for at least the first few weeks.
3. Feed mom foods that heal the soul. Comfort foods are helpful for postpartum women, also foods that are rich with vitamins, vegetables, and warmth.
4. Increasing the amount of omega 3 fatty acids and B vitamins such as Riboflavin in a mothers diet can also decrease risk for postpartum depression.
A Good natural sources of omega 3 fatty acids include edible linseed oil, certain fish, grass fed rather than grain fed meat, and eggs from chickens fed on flax seed or other feed high in omega 3 fats. Omega 3 fatty acids can also be purchased in capsule form as a dietary supplement.
5. Take the baby for a few minutes and let mom eat in peace. Mom's are so focused on their new infant they will often not take breaks. Encourage her to take a 10-15 minute break each time she eats a meal when their are hands to help.
Step #2 Put Mommy to Bed
1. Sleep is so important for new moms yet it is hard to come by. Help her by taking the baby at least once a day so she can nap. Encourage her to nap while the baby sleeps.
2. Have someone around to help. Being a new mom can be isolating if dad is at work and family is not around. Have family or friends come by to let mom nap for at least 1 hour a day if possible.
3. If you do not have extended family as a support (or prefer space from family during this time) hire a postpartum doula or a nanny. A doula charges by the hour and is temporary support for postpartum women. A doula can help with giving mom breaks, preparing meals for mom, help with housework, or can provide a full nights sleep during an overnight shift. Doula's are also great for emotional support and can be great educational resources for new moms with lots of questions.
4. It will be easier for mom to take naps if she has someone helping with the housework. Otherwise, naps are her only time to catch up. Let her focus on healing, eating, sleeping, and caring for her new baby for at least the first 4 weeks.
Step #3: Listen to the Mommy
1. New moms typically are feeling overwhelmed, tired, and doubtful that they are caring for their baby right. It is helpful to let mom's vent about their frustrations. Let them cry when they feel emotional. Validate them when they feel like "I can't do this" or "I am a bad mother".
2. I have worked with many new families over the years and I have never worked for a new mom that did not break down and cry to me at least once. This is normal. Postpartum women are emotional and hormonal. They need to hear that they are doing a good job and their struggles are normal.
3. Dad's and partner's need to be supportive. Make sure you step in and help where ever you can. It is just as important that you learn how to be a parent by spending time with your infant and learning how to care for them. Remind the new mommy that it is your child to and you want to learn how to care for them. This will encourage her to take breaks.
4. Find outside support for mom. Depending on the situation, finding either a support group for new moms, online chat, or scheduling play dates with friends, can all be a great way to support mom. Online or phone counseling is also available to postpartum moms. You can go to my website at www.honestfamilyservices.com or check out www.psi.com.
There we have it. These are the 3 steps I recommend for preventing or decreasing symptoms of postpartum depression.
Step #1 Feed the Mommy
Step #2 Put the Mommy to Bed
Step #3 Listen to the Mommy
To find a local postpartum doula in your area...try www.cappa.net.
Sincerely,
Michelle
Michelle Chrastil, MA CPD NCC
Honest Family Services, LLC.
www.honestfamilyservices.com
Over the years of working with parents, I have found that a postpartum doula can have a significant effect on preventing postpartum depression through their maternal care. I have developed 3 Simple Steps that help decrease the risk for postpartum depression as well as treat the symptoms.
What is Postpartum Depression? According to Wikipedia, "Postpartum depression (PPD), also called postnatal depression, is a form of clinical depression which can affect women, and less frequently men, after childbirth."
There are three different levels of postpartum depression. I will briefly give you information on all three levels.
1. Baby Blues occurs in 80% of postpartum women. Mothers describe symptoms as feeling tearful, irritable, and experience feeling a sense of sleeplessness, impairment of concentration, feelings of isolation and headache.
Baby blues are not the same thing as postpartum depression, nor are they a precursor to postpartum depression or postnatal psychosis.
2. Postpartum Depression occurs in 5-9% of postpartum women. The symptoms are more severe then in baby blues and it lasts longer than a few days. Symptoms may include sadness, fatigue, insomnia, appetite changes, reduced libido, crying episodes, anxiety, and irritability. Current data suggests that although 5 to 9 percent of women will develop postpartum depression, less than one in five of these women will seek professional help.
3. Postpartum psychosis is a severe mental illness, which involves a complete break with reality. Although sometimes confused with postpartum depression, postpartum psychosis is a very different disorder. Postpartum psychosis consists of an onset of psychotic symptoms that may include thought disturbances, delusions, hallucinations and/or disorganized speech or behavior.
Contact your doctor or go to the emergency room if you are experiencing any of the above symptoms.
Postpartum psychosis can lead to suicidal thoughts for new mothers and can also lead to thoughts of wanting to harm ones baby. It is important for dad's, partner's, and family members to be aware of these symptoms because women with psychosis need to be treated immediately. Check out www.psi.com for support.
Now that you are all worried... Let's talk about some simple ways to decrease your chances for developing a postpartum disorder.
Steps for parents:
Step #1 Feed the Mommy
Nutrition has been found to have a significant effect on the emotional well being of a new mother. Postpartum mothers are so focused on meeting the needs of their new infant that is extremely common that they neglect their own basic needs. They don't eat well.
Solution:
1. Anyone other than the new mom should be responsible for meal times. It should be either Dads or Partners job is to make sure she has food made and to give her time to eat her meals.
2. When friends or family call and ask, "Can I come over and see the baby? Do you need anything?" Always ask them to bring a meal. Whether they bring Chioplte or homemade casserole, food is the passage into the home. Stock up the freezer and hopefully the couple will not have to worry about cooking for at least the first few weeks.
3. Feed mom foods that heal the soul. Comfort foods are helpful for postpartum women, also foods that are rich with vitamins, vegetables, and warmth.
4. Increasing the amount of omega 3 fatty acids and B vitamins such as Riboflavin in a mothers diet can also decrease risk for postpartum depression.
A Good natural sources of omega 3 fatty acids include edible linseed oil, certain fish, grass fed rather than grain fed meat, and eggs from chickens fed on flax seed or other feed high in omega 3 fats. Omega 3 fatty acids can also be purchased in capsule form as a dietary supplement.
5. Take the baby for a few minutes and let mom eat in peace. Mom's are so focused on their new infant they will often not take breaks. Encourage her to take a 10-15 minute break each time she eats a meal when their are hands to help.
Step #2 Put Mommy to Bed
1. Sleep is so important for new moms yet it is hard to come by. Help her by taking the baby at least once a day so she can nap. Encourage her to nap while the baby sleeps.
2. Have someone around to help. Being a new mom can be isolating if dad is at work and family is not around. Have family or friends come by to let mom nap for at least 1 hour a day if possible.
3. If you do not have extended family as a support (or prefer space from family during this time) hire a postpartum doula or a nanny. A doula charges by the hour and is temporary support for postpartum women. A doula can help with giving mom breaks, preparing meals for mom, help with housework, or can provide a full nights sleep during an overnight shift. Doula's are also great for emotional support and can be great educational resources for new moms with lots of questions.
4. It will be easier for mom to take naps if she has someone helping with the housework. Otherwise, naps are her only time to catch up. Let her focus on healing, eating, sleeping, and caring for her new baby for at least the first 4 weeks.
Step #3: Listen to the Mommy
1. New moms typically are feeling overwhelmed, tired, and doubtful that they are caring for their baby right. It is helpful to let mom's vent about their frustrations. Let them cry when they feel emotional. Validate them when they feel like "I can't do this" or "I am a bad mother".
2. I have worked with many new families over the years and I have never worked for a new mom that did not break down and cry to me at least once. This is normal. Postpartum women are emotional and hormonal. They need to hear that they are doing a good job and their struggles are normal.
3. Dad's and partner's need to be supportive. Make sure you step in and help where ever you can. It is just as important that you learn how to be a parent by spending time with your infant and learning how to care for them. Remind the new mommy that it is your child to and you want to learn how to care for them. This will encourage her to take breaks.
4. Find outside support for mom. Depending on the situation, finding either a support group for new moms, online chat, or scheduling play dates with friends, can all be a great way to support mom. Online or phone counseling is also available to postpartum moms. You can go to my website at www.honestfamilyservices.com or check out www.psi.com.
There we have it. These are the 3 steps I recommend for preventing or decreasing symptoms of postpartum depression.
Step #1 Feed the Mommy
Step #2 Put the Mommy to Bed
Step #3 Listen to the Mommy
To find a local postpartum doula in your area...try www.cappa.net.
Sincerely,
Michelle
Michelle Chrastil, MA CPD NCC
Honest Family Services, LLC.
www.honestfamilyservices.com
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
How do I begin sleep/crib training with my baby?
Hello parents and readers,
The following blog addresses the question of
How do I begin sleep training or crib training?
I have provided my readers with a glimpse of what a sleep training routine may look like. For this particular family, they came to me in a state of crisis. Mom was breastfeeding and working full time with hardly any sleep at night. Their 5 month old did not know how to stay asleep so she constantly cried out every 1-2 hours throughout the night for mom to rock her back to sleep. The parents had not shared a bed in over 3 months. They wanted a big change.
Sarah has Difficulty staying asleep between 7pm-10pm:
This will be the first phase of crib training. She needs to learn that once she is asleep in her crib and fed, she needs to put herself back to sleep.
If she wakes up…
1st time: one of you may go into her room, pat her belly, say “time to sleep Sarah” “shhhhh” after 5 min. Walk out of the room and let her cry up to 10min. If she does not fall asleep….
2nd time: do not speak to her. Pat her belly say “shhhhh” after 5 min. walk out of the room. Let her cry up to 15 minutes. If she does not fall asleep….
3rd time: do not speak to her. Pat her belly no longer than 5 min. “shhhhh” walk out of the room. Let her cry herself to sleep. (maybe between 20-45 min)
This is hard for all parents. Your family is in crisis mode and Sarah needs to know that she can fall back to sleep on her own as soon as possible. She will only learn this through time and practice. The main goal with infants is to develop trust within the first few months so that their brains understand that you will meet their needs and they are safe. She cries when she wakes up because she does not know how to put herself back to sleep. She has only been rocked, nursed, and coddled back to sleep since birth. Now she knows she is safe and she knows you will come to her. But now she is in control. Your goal as parents is to get back the power. Set boundaries for her. Support her through kind words and soft touches as she learns to put herself to sleep, by first crying herself to sleep. She will be ok. It is harder for parents to hear their infant cry than it is for her to cry. Just remember…She knows she is safe. She knows you both love her. This is teaching her a valuable tool, self soothing. This is important for your family. You need your bed back for the marriage. You need to have family time for Luke before bed. Give this routine 1-2 weeks with consistency and I promise you will be happy with the results. Babies need a routine and they need to be taught how to sooth themselves to sleep. You can do this.
Good luck:)
Sincerely,
Michelle
Michelle Chrastil, MA CPD NCC
Honest Family Services, LLC.
www.honestfamilyservices.com
The following blog addresses the question of
How do I begin sleep training or crib training?
I have provided my readers with a glimpse of what a sleep training routine may look like. For this particular family, they came to me in a state of crisis. Mom was breastfeeding and working full time with hardly any sleep at night. Their 5 month old did not know how to stay asleep so she constantly cried out every 1-2 hours throughout the night for mom to rock her back to sleep. The parents had not shared a bed in over 3 months. They wanted a big change.
Sarah has Difficulty staying asleep between 7pm-10pm:
This will be the first phase of crib training. She needs to learn that once she is asleep in her crib and fed, she needs to put herself back to sleep.
If she wakes up…
1st time: one of you may go into her room, pat her belly, say “time to sleep Sarah” “shhhhh” after 5 min. Walk out of the room and let her cry up to 10min. If she does not fall asleep….
2nd time: do not speak to her. Pat her belly say “shhhhh” after 5 min. walk out of the room. Let her cry up to 15 minutes. If she does not fall asleep….
3rd time: do not speak to her. Pat her belly no longer than 5 min. “shhhhh” walk out of the room. Let her cry herself to sleep. (maybe between 20-45 min)
This is hard for all parents. Your family is in crisis mode and Sarah needs to know that she can fall back to sleep on her own as soon as possible. She will only learn this through time and practice. The main goal with infants is to develop trust within the first few months so that their brains understand that you will meet their needs and they are safe. She cries when she wakes up because she does not know how to put herself back to sleep. She has only been rocked, nursed, and coddled back to sleep since birth. Now she knows she is safe and she knows you will come to her. But now she is in control. Your goal as parents is to get back the power. Set boundaries for her. Support her through kind words and soft touches as she learns to put herself to sleep, by first crying herself to sleep. She will be ok. It is harder for parents to hear their infant cry than it is for her to cry. Just remember…She knows she is safe. She knows you both love her. This is teaching her a valuable tool, self soothing. This is important for your family. You need your bed back for the marriage. You need to have family time for Luke before bed. Give this routine 1-2 weeks with consistency and I promise you will be happy with the results. Babies need a routine and they need to be taught how to sooth themselves to sleep. You can do this.
Good luck:)
Sincerely,
Michelle
Michelle Chrastil, MA CPD NCC
Honest Family Services, LLC.
www.honestfamilyservices.com
What is colic? Does my baby have it? What do I do?
Hello parents and readers,
The following is a one hour long audio radio interview I did on colic and how to treat colic. I was interviewed for a parenting website... www.parentinghq.com
http://www.knowledge-spot.com/phq/michellechrastil.mp3
Remember to stay calm while you try to soothe your upset baby. Infants react to their parents stress levels. They feel most calm when there caregiver can model being calm in a stressful situation.
Parents feel free to tell us about your experience dealing with a colicy baby.
Sincerely,
Michelle
Michelle Chrastil, MA CPD NCC
Honest Family Services, LLC.
www.honestfamilyservices.com
The following is a one hour long audio radio interview I did on colic and how to treat colic. I was interviewed for a parenting website... www.parentinghq.com
http://www.knowledge-spot.com/phq/michellechrastil.mp3
Remember to stay calm while you try to soothe your upset baby. Infants react to their parents stress levels. They feel most calm when there caregiver can model being calm in a stressful situation.
Parents feel free to tell us about your experience dealing with a colicy baby.
Sincerely,
Michelle
Michelle Chrastil, MA CPD NCC
Honest Family Services, LLC.
www.honestfamilyservices.com
How do I get my baby to sleep through the night?
Hello readers and parents,
How do I get my baby to sleep through my night? is a very common question in my line of work. I have worked with many families on how to incorporate a scheduled daily routine for their babies which is the number one thing I recommend to increase the length of time your baby sleeps between each stretch at night. Although this was a routine designed individually for a specific family, it can be a useful tool to new parents. If you are interested in having me create a routine that is tailored to your families individual needs, you may contact me through my website.
When creating a routine for your infant there are two things that are important to remember...
1. Between the ages of 3-6month your infant should be moving to a regular eating schedule where they eat every 3-4 hours during the day. They should also be sleeping at least one 5 hour stretch in the middle of the night.
2. These babies also should be put down for a set nap every 2 hours. This means you check the clock after they wake up from their last nap and around 1 1/2 hours later offer them sleep again. I recommend a dim room,some form of white noise, and your baby should be swaddled. Being consistent is key in teaching your child healthy sleep habits.
Honest Family Services, LLC.
Brenna’s Feeding and Sleeping Routine
Feeding #1: Rise and Shine! 4:30-5:30 am Feed warm bottle of 4oz.
Early Morning nap: Between 6:30-8am.
Feeding #2: Between 8am-9am. Bottle made for 6oz.
Morning nap: Between 9:45-10am (wake up between 10:45-11:45). Put to
sleep in crib and let sleep up to 2 hours.
Feeding #3: Between 11:30am-12:30pm. Bottle made for 6oz.
Afternoon nap Between 12:45- 1:45. Put to sleep in crib. Can sleep up to 2 hours.
Feeding #4: Between 3:00pm-4pm. Bottle made for 6 oz.
Bedtime routine starts: Between 5:30-6:00pm
• Bath time and Lotion
• Pajamas and fresh diaper
Feeding #5: Between 6:00- 6:30pm Mom or Dad Feeds bottle with 6 oz in her room, dim lights, white noise, swaddled. (If asleep place in crib after being held slightly up right for 10min) or….
• Place in crib while swaddled snugly or need baby sleep sac to keep warm. Babies need to feel warm and comfortable. Consistency is the most important thing.
Feeding #6: Between 11:30pm-12:30pm bottle feed with 4oz-6oz of formula.
This is the feeding we want to be pushed back hour by hour until it becomes the Rise and Shine Feeding.
Rise and Shine Feeding #1: Between 4:30-5:30pm for Rise and Shine Feeding.
Again, this is an example of what a typical routine would look like.
Rules of thumb for introducing a new routine....
1. Be consistent for at least 1-2 weeks so you and your infant can both get used to the new way of doing things.
2. Make sure the whole family is on board. It is important to have both partners involved in making routine decisions so that they can make a team effort while they attempt to teach their baby a new and more healthy way of doing things.It is also good to involve the older siblings so they know the time that mommy or daddy may be unavailable due to the babies routine.
3. The routine should work for the whole family.
4. Allow yourself flexibility however staying consistent is the most important thing. Follow the above guidelines for the routine and stick with it consistently to allow opportunity for change.
Sincerely,
Michelle
Michelle Chrastil, MA CPD NCC
Honest Family Services, LLC.
www.honestfamilyservices.com
How do I get my baby to sleep through my night? is a very common question in my line of work. I have worked with many families on how to incorporate a scheduled daily routine for their babies which is the number one thing I recommend to increase the length of time your baby sleeps between each stretch at night. Although this was a routine designed individually for a specific family, it can be a useful tool to new parents. If you are interested in having me create a routine that is tailored to your families individual needs, you may contact me through my website.
When creating a routine for your infant there are two things that are important to remember...
1. Between the ages of 3-6month your infant should be moving to a regular eating schedule where they eat every 3-4 hours during the day. They should also be sleeping at least one 5 hour stretch in the middle of the night.
2. These babies also should be put down for a set nap every 2 hours. This means you check the clock after they wake up from their last nap and around 1 1/2 hours later offer them sleep again. I recommend a dim room,some form of white noise, and your baby should be swaddled. Being consistent is key in teaching your child healthy sleep habits.
Honest Family Services, LLC.
Brenna’s Feeding and Sleeping Routine
Feeding #1: Rise and Shine! 4:30-5:30 am Feed warm bottle of 4oz.
Early Morning nap: Between 6:30-8am.
Feeding #2: Between 8am-9am. Bottle made for 6oz.
Morning nap: Between 9:45-10am (wake up between 10:45-11:45). Put to
sleep in crib and let sleep up to 2 hours.
Feeding #3: Between 11:30am-12:30pm. Bottle made for 6oz.
Afternoon nap Between 12:45- 1:45. Put to sleep in crib. Can sleep up to 2 hours.
Feeding #4: Between 3:00pm-4pm. Bottle made for 6 oz.
Bedtime routine starts: Between 5:30-6:00pm
• Bath time and Lotion
• Pajamas and fresh diaper
Feeding #5: Between 6:00- 6:30pm Mom or Dad Feeds bottle with 6 oz in her room, dim lights, white noise, swaddled. (If asleep place in crib after being held slightly up right for 10min) or….
• Place in crib while swaddled snugly or need baby sleep sac to keep warm. Babies need to feel warm and comfortable. Consistency is the most important thing.
Feeding #6: Between 11:30pm-12:30pm bottle feed with 4oz-6oz of formula.
This is the feeding we want to be pushed back hour by hour until it becomes the Rise and Shine Feeding.
Rise and Shine Feeding #1: Between 4:30-5:30pm for Rise and Shine Feeding.
Again, this is an example of what a typical routine would look like.
Rules of thumb for introducing a new routine....
1. Be consistent for at least 1-2 weeks so you and your infant can both get used to the new way of doing things.
2. Make sure the whole family is on board. It is important to have both partners involved in making routine decisions so that they can make a team effort while they attempt to teach their baby a new and more healthy way of doing things.It is also good to involve the older siblings so they know the time that mommy or daddy may be unavailable due to the babies routine.
3. The routine should work for the whole family.
4. Allow yourself flexibility however staying consistent is the most important thing. Follow the above guidelines for the routine and stick with it consistently to allow opportunity for change.
Sincerely,
Michelle
Michelle Chrastil, MA CPD NCC
Honest Family Services, LLC.
www.honestfamilyservices.com
How to Introduce Discipline to your Toddler.
Hello readers and parents,
I wanted to take this opportunity to introduce myself as I begin this journey helping parents through this blog. As my profile mentions, my name is Michelle Chrastil and I am a master level therapist who specializes in working with children and families. I am also a certified postpartum doula and have been working with families for more than 10 years.
Yesterdays post was a report I wrote up for a family who contacted me to help them with their 21 month old. As you may have read, I discussed the method of discipline I recommend and provided a step by step guide on how to introduce the technique to your child. There comes a point where every new parent needs to decide how they are going to guide their child through difficulties. Some parents may not feel comfortable with the term "discipline" and interpret it as harsh. The discipline I am referring to is simply a consistent system that teaches children boundaries through expectations, consequences, and rewards. Every child needs guidance. They need to be taught the rules and consequences of their choices. They also need to be praised when they behave and sometimes rewarded. This is the most age appropriate and clear way to guide your children.
I welcome families to write in with their questions. I love the opportunity to share helpful information with parents and to encourage networking between the struggling families as a source of support.
Look for more posts that address common infant and child rearing related problems.
Sincerely,
Michelle
Michelle Chrastil MA CPD NCC
Honest Family Services, LLC.
www.honestfamilyservices.com
I wanted to take this opportunity to introduce myself as I begin this journey helping parents through this blog. As my profile mentions, my name is Michelle Chrastil and I am a master level therapist who specializes in working with children and families. I am also a certified postpartum doula and have been working with families for more than 10 years.
Yesterdays post was a report I wrote up for a family who contacted me to help them with their 21 month old. As you may have read, I discussed the method of discipline I recommend and provided a step by step guide on how to introduce the technique to your child. There comes a point where every new parent needs to decide how they are going to guide their child through difficulties. Some parents may not feel comfortable with the term "discipline" and interpret it as harsh. The discipline I am referring to is simply a consistent system that teaches children boundaries through expectations, consequences, and rewards. Every child needs guidance. They need to be taught the rules and consequences of their choices. They also need to be praised when they behave and sometimes rewarded. This is the most age appropriate and clear way to guide your children.
I welcome families to write in with their questions. I love the opportunity to share helpful information with parents and to encourage networking between the struggling families as a source of support.
Look for more posts that address common infant and child rearing related problems.
Sincerely,
Michelle
Michelle Chrastil MA CPD NCC
Honest Family Services, LLC.
www.honestfamilyservices.com
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Help Me! My 21 month old will not stay asleep in her crib.
Honest Family Services, LLC.
Sienna’s Report
Name: Sienna
Age: 21 months
Identified Problem: Mother reported that Sienna has recently begun fighting sleep. Over the last week Sienna has begun fighting sleep by crying when parents lie her down for naps or bedtime. Sienna had no previous problems with going to sleep and staying asleep in her crib prior to the last few weeks. Parents also have observed new behaviors in Sienna that seem to be tantrums related to parents saying “no”.
Sleep Related Suggestions:
#1 Make sure that Sienna’s behaviors are not related to an illness, teething, or pain before trying a behavioral modification technique.
#2 When putting Sienna down for bedtime, make sure she is comfortable. Put lotion on eczema and make sure she cannot scratch herself. Follow a routine every night so she knows what to expect.
#3 Give Motrin before bed when trying to tell if the sleep problems are pain related.
#4 If Motrin makes no difference and you know that she is healthy then it is time to re-teach her to stay in her crib. (The information below regarding discipline will be a good place to start. We can talk about more specific techniques related to sleep once Sienna is well again)
Developmentally Based Suggestions for Discipline:
Sienna is approaching the age where parents need to start thinking about their personal discipline style and exploring which discipline techniques they plan on introducing to Sienna and continuing to use throughout toddlerhood and preschool years.
It seems Sienna’s behavioral changes may be related to her understanding that she is the “boss” of her household and of her parents. This is normal but needs to change. She needs to learn that it is her parent’s job to keep her safe and to teach her good behaviors. Sienna needs to know that her parents are in charge.
Developmentally children need to have their limits or boundaries taught to them by their parents. They need their parents to be able to teach them what is expected from them regarding behavior. The way to do this is to begin with laying out the household rules. This may seem advanced for a 1 ½ year old but she will understand. The concept will evolve with age.
Introduction to Discipline
#1 Begin with appropriate Household Rules for Sienna
1. No Hitting
2. No Biting
3. No Screaming when mom or dad tells you “no”.
These rules are sufficient and should cover most of your basis for behavioral problems at this age.
#2 Choose Sienna’s Consequence to breaking a rule.
This should include picking a safe space for Sienna to calm down while throwing a tantrum or breaking a rule. This place can be a designated chair, pillow on the floor, a room, a stair, or a spot of the floor that is marked. (When I started with laven at 19 months it was a “naughty pillow” on the floor and it evolved to the first stair as she got older)
Once you choose the spot be consistent and choose a name for the spot. It could be anything that fits with your parenting beliefs…. “Time out”, “Naughty Spot”, “Reflection Room”, “Down Time”, “Chill out Chair”, or anything else that works for you.
#3 Implementing the Consequence (we will refer to the spot for now as “naughty spot”)
To begin, “Naughty spot” is used when Sienna breaks a rule. The way you use this technique is you match the time Sienna spends on the spot with her age. For now Sienna is one year old so she will serve 1 minute when she breaks a rule.
Sienna must stay on the spot for the entire 1 minute but she is allowed to cry at this age.
To teach her how to use the “naughty spot” you will start with showing her the spot and telling her that if she screams or throws a fit then she will have to sit there for 1 minute. She won’t completely understand until her first offenceJ
Steps for 1st offence…
Parent Dialog:
#1 Give a warning. “If you don’t stop crying like that then you will go to the naughty spot for 1 min.”
#2 Sit Sienna on the spot. If she gets off the spot, pick her up and set her back on the spot. In a very firm voice, “Sienna you have to stay.”(Stay calm in your actions and in your voice). Continue with putting her back on the spot until she stays. She will probably fight with you and cry the whole time for the first time. Stay close by but don’t engage her by looking at her or talking to her while on the spot. Start the time when she figures out she needs to stay on the spot. Time 1 minute.
#3 After 1 minute is up, walk over to Sienna and get on her level eye to eye. “Mommy put you on the Naughty spot because you were screaming. That is not ok. We don’t scream when I say no. I love you.” Give her some loveJ through hugs or a kiss.
Yea you have done it!
#4 When Sienna is older you will ask for an apology but not until she can more fully understand and communicate.
Great job! You will probably feel a well deserved sense of accomplishment once you have been able to do this technique because it will be a reminder that you as her parent are in control.
This discipline tool will work for Sienna until the age of 9 most likely. Typically once children understand the rules and the consequences the need for using the “naughty spot” will slowly disappear but once it is in your tool bag you can use it whenever you need to. For example, my daughter used to have time out once a day or more but now it is rare. She has learned what is expected of her.
In regards to the validity to this technique, I can tell you that every therapist, behavioral specialist, parenting coach, Supernanny, Nanny911 all use the same technique. It works. It is safe, and children understand it. It works much more effectively then spanking or yelling.
It is important for parents to remember that their expectations for their children are known through household rules and there is a consistent consequence. I know you are both great parents and I believe with this tool you can continue to teach your beautiful daughter what is right and what is wrong. Give Sienna lots of words regarding her behavior “we don’t hit because it is not kind” and also give her words for her feelings “I can see that you are angry right now” or “I can see that you are sad, that is ok, but it is not ok to hit mommy.”
Remember children need boundaries and need their parents to teach them the consequences of unacceptable behavior. You will do great I am sure.
Good Luck and remember to value your time with your daughter and focus on having moments of joyful one on one time to foster a close relationship between the two of you.
Michelle
Michelle Chrastil, MA NCC CPD
Honest Family Services, LLC.
www.honestfamilyservices.com
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
